The Island
by Ivy Gort
Summary: WIP Ten years after Chosen Willow asks Buffy for help. FemSlash.
1. Chapter 1

The Island

Prologue

"Buffy, I am happy you have returned."

Slayer Prime looked up to see Giles standing at the doorway to her office.

"Buffy, could I see you for a moment please?" He asked, and maybe it was because she had just gotten back from two months of hunting demons in the Bayou of Louisiana, or maybe she had just blocked it out of her conscious mind, but she suddenly realized that Giles looked - old. Or maybe not so much - old - as defeated. Giles had always held himself straight and tall, even during their darkest of times, only the man before her was bent and stooped. His hair had been thinning since she first saw him 17 years ago, now it was almost totally gone and what was left was completely gray.

'_It just never ends,'_ Buffy thought as Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them. _'The battle, the lost friends, the death of the children that we have to send out to fight in this war. Will it never end, will we never find peace?'_

When the remaining scoobies arrived in Cleveland ten years ago the first thing they did was set up the new Watcher's Council in one of the many empty warehouses dotting the waterfront. If Buffy was truthful, she knew it was mostly Giles and Willow who set up the council, while Xander did the remodeling. She was still recovering from the stubborn stab wound she got during the last fight with the First.

It had been a simple matter to refurbish the wherehouse into offices, a training center, and living quarters. It was a simple design and yet, Xander had been a genius in its application and the use of light and natural spaces.

"Buffy?" Giles' quiet question broke her out of her thoughts of the first year. _'We were all just happy we survived Sunnydale; everything here seem bright and new. From the snow to the apartments Xander built with each one of us in mind. I was great . . . until that night. Until Kennedy, until Willow ran . . . .'_

Until the last time she saw Willow Rosenberg.

Buffy shook head to clear the thoughts of that night and all the lonely ones since. _'That's my one allotted time to think of Willow today. It's been over ten years and I still think about her everyday.'_

"Sure Giles, what do you need?" Buffy answered, plastering a fake smile on her face while motioning for Giles to come in and sit down. _'I wish just once we could take a break. It's impossible. Even though we now have an army of Slayers, the forces of evil are stronger than ever.' _ The Slayer Prime thought of all the young slayers that helped defeat the First. Only Faith was left in the fight. It was so exhausting to Buffy to think about all the girls never got a chance to see their twenty first birthdays.

"This matter would be better discussed in my office." Giles' told her grimly and as she watched he stood straighter as if expecting her to argue. "I have all the details set out."

"Can it wait? I have to get this report read and the funds authorized before five this afternoon Central Europe time," Buffy asked. _'I wonder who else has died? Going into his office means someone died. I know I'm being rotten about it, telling me who is was is hard enough on him.' _

"I mean Faith has to be able find secure housing for her team," Buffy said, as the acid raced into her stomach nearly causing her to get sick. _'Gods I am so not cut out for leadership! Why does it have to be me who sends young girls out to die? Why do I have to live while everyone around me dies?'_

"No one has died," Giles told her, as if he was reading her mind. "Or yes, people have died, just no one you know." The Head of the new Watcher's Council amended, putting his glasses back on and standing straighter as if trying to push his shoulders up against the pull of depression.

The relief Buffy felt was surprising because she knew it was temporary. The First might had been defeated and an army of Slayers activated but the good guys still were outnumbered and outgunned. It was only a matter of time before someone else close to Buffy fell in the battle_. 'Thank God Slayers aren't called until they reach puberty; so the girls know what normal is for a little while.'_

"Buffy?" Giles urged, still patiently standing in the doorway.

"Sure Giles, just let me read this report," she said, picking the report up off of her desk.

"No, I must insist that you accompany me now. You will need to leave within the hour and I feel it would be better if I briefed you before you left," Giles insisted. He was still the only person who could order Buffy to do something. And he did it only under dire circumstances. _'But he said we weren't with the dire … so why is he so insistent? Either way it doesn't matter,' _she thought.

Buffy pressed the call switch on her phone, "Andrew I need you authorize any and all funding for the team in Budapest; make sure Faith has what she needs."

"Yes Miss Summers," Andrew's whiny voice hadn't changed in the past ten years. But one thing about the boy—man now—was that he was a genius at running the office.

"I'm all yours," she told Giles, getting up from her desk and following him the two doors down to his office. As promised she saw he did indeed have everything set out … in the form of Willow Rosenberg sitting in the huge chair behind his desk. Buffy stopped and for a moment she thought she was hallucinating, until she noticed the tinge of gray in Willow's hair.

All the air left Buffy and she her vision dimmed.

"Buffy?" she heard Giles' concerned voice as if it were filtered through a tunnel.

"Giles what's the meaning of this…?" Buffy forced the words out, backing away from the office door_. 'Gods, what is going on here?'_ She thought, as all the emotions she tried to suppress for over the years ago came rushing to the front of her mind and suddenly she was furious.

_'Unresolved issues much?_' She questioned her sanity, as the desire to bolt back to the safety of her office warred equally with her need to finish what had been started on that awful night so long ago. Buffy stood, frozen with indecision, as she watched Willow rise from the chair. The red head's face paled as if Buffy was a ghost back from the dead and not her former best friend.

"Giles I thought…." Willow started.

"That you'd be dealing with Faith, yes," Giles finished for her. "Buffy arrived late last night from LA and Faith was called out early this morning. Buffy is simply the only Slayer I can pull away from an assignment." He told Willow calmly, walking over to the world map that covered half the wall of his office. "You sounded quite troubled over the phone so I felt that only one of the more experienced Slayers should be sent on this mission."

Buffy was able to ground her wild emotions in Giles' essence as she listened to the Watcher's even voice.

"Yes, of course." Willow agreed, and just as Buffy sought to quiet her own emotions she saw the Witch taking deep breaths to gather her wits. "I should have known that things would not go according to plan." The bitterness in Willow's words stung Buffy and at the same time added fuel to the fire making the anger return.

_'If I don't stay mad then I'll be in tears… I didn't realize that Willow's abandonment could still hurt so much!'_ Buffy couldn't help thinking back to that snowy night. Everything about that night was permanently etched in the Slayer's mind. She had gone out knowing that Willow might never forgive her, but it was still her job. What Buffy didn't realize was that it would be the last time she saw Willow. Her best friend was gone before Buffy was released from the hospital.

And, as far as Buffy knew, it was the last time Willow had anything to do with the new Watcher's Council, or Witchcraft, or with fighting, "The Good Fight."

The only person Willow had kept in touch with was Dawn…. It was because of Willow's recommendation that Dawn was accepted at Duke.

Buffy came out of her memories to find that Giles had stepped physically between the two women as if he was expecting the last argument they had would continue unabated. And Buffy thought it just might_. 'Everything about that night is still so fresh … I can still feel Willow collapsing against me in anguish, as she watched … No! Don't go there Buffy!_' she admonished herself. Buffy couldn't change the past, she couldn't keep Willow from hurting any less, and she would never be able to repair the damage that her calling had caused their friendship.

Though, in the dark of night, the deepest part of her was actually happy that her beautiful friend had escaped the prison her "Calling" had created.

Buffy came out of her thoughts as Willow sat again in Giles' chair.

"You are right Mr. Giles,' Willow stressed the title Mister. "I am here strictly for business and on the behalf of the University," she continued, sitting forward in the chair and placing her elbows on the desk. She placidly peered at Buffy. "We lost one of our marine research vessels last week."

_'She wants us to find a boat?'_ Buffy thought incredulously. "I think you would do better to call the Coast Guard…." Buffy started coolly. The anger she felt still there but she was now able to at least control it somewhat.

"You come in here asking for our help in what?… there was a storm in NC…." Buffy continued, trying to reel in the emotion. She was no longer the teenager, she was Slayer Prime, the general of all the Slayers.

"You haven't changed!" Willow shouted, standing, bracing her arms on the desk and leaning forward. Surprised, Buffy took a step back. _'Guess I'm not the only one with unresolved issues about that night_,' the thought that Willow was struggling helped take some of the edge off.

"In all these years, you still form opinions about things without all the facts!" Willow stood up straight, her hands clenched at her sides. Buffy watched as her former best friend took huge breaths, trying to calm down.

"They found the boat Buffy," Giles told her quietly. "The Bahamian defense force discovered it floating three days after it left Beaufort, NC over a thousand miles away from its last GPS coordinates."

Buffy pulled her gaze away from Willow's angry face to look at Giles. "O.K. and what aren't you telling me?" Maybe if she could concentrate on Giles she could deal with Willow standing five feet away.

"Here are the crime scene photos the police in Miami took," Giles handed the folder to Buffy. She walked over to the desk, ignoring Willow completely, and spread the pictures out. Each one told the story of a terrible death and quite of few of the pictures were close ups of bite wounds in the neck.

"Vampires," she breathed, looking up, and meeting Willow's eyes. Buffy saw dark circles under her eyes that spoke of sleepless nights; she could see the fatigue in the way the Witch's shoulders drooped … and all the anger ran out of the Slayer.

"Yes," Willow answered, as if the words were forced out through sheer exhaustion. "Not just Vampires though." When she didn't continue Buffy glanced up, questioning. "NOAA contracted us to take readings ahead of Hurricane Max and then circle around it and follow in its wake. The last reported position of our Research Vessel was 300 nautical miles southeast from Cape Hatterus" she finished, pointing at the map on wall…

"And your point?" Buffy asked confused.

Giles cleared his throat to gain Buffy's attention and then calmly drew three lines on the map.

All Buffy could do then was say "Oh…"

"Exactly," Willow said. "The ship had just entered the Bermuda Triangle and then 3 days later it appeared 1000 miles away, on the other side of a major hurricane, and with all aboard her slaughtered by vampires." Willow gave an ironic laugh, "only no one knows it was Vampires. Only me. Sunnydale girl who knows what true evil is …."

Buffy turned to Giles then, "how do I get out there?"

"We go, Buffy," Willow interrupted. "I'm going with you."

"No way!" Buffy said. "I will not put a … civilian in danger." She put as much rancor in the word civilian as she could to cover up for the fact that she almost said friend. Willow just sighed, her eyes downcast.

"We all know that I'm hardly a 'civilian.' Giles and I think that we need to retrace the Research Vessel's path." Willow told the Slayer as a curtain of red hair covered her face so Buffy couldn't see it. "I know how to handle a smaller boat and NOAA still needs the information about the effects of hurricanes. Another tropical storm has formed and it's projected to become a major hurricane in 4 days." Willow then looked up and Buffy saw the pain etched on her old friend's face. "And I lost someone important to me on that boat."

Buffy watched as Willow's façade nearly crumbled. It only lasted a second but it was long enough for Buffy to know that she wasn't going to be able to keep Willow from going, so she might as well give in gracefully.

"OK how do 'we' get out there?"

"My plane is waiting at the airport," Willow answered, now that the decision was made her mood seemed to lift. "We sail from Beaufort NC, tomorrow."

"Your plane? You fly?" the mighty Slayer Prime asked with a squeak.

"Yes," Willow said, flatly, and the darkness was back between them. It hurt Buffy but that didn't matter. She had a job to do and she had become very good at killing things.

"I'll go pack," She tried to keep all emotion out of her voice. "You'll brief me on the way?"

At Willow's nod she left to go to her apartment. It was a shock to see the Hacker after all these years but she had a job to do and nothing would get in the way of her performing her sacred duty.

**Chapter One--North Carolina--Aftermath of Hurricane Max**

Buffy watched from the small plane's windshield as the land far in front of them gave way to what appeared to be the Atlantic Ocean. Only at this distance something felt wrong. Horribly wrong. Corrupt. She couldn't place the feeling it gave her, other than dirty, immoral – no – wrong. Wrong was the right word. The image began wavering out of focus and she blinked, trying to clear her vision. It was as if she'd seen this land before when it was newer – freer – no cleaner.

The bottom seemed to drop out from under her and she instinctively grabbed onto the door handle of the small plane.

"Sorry, hit a downdraft," Buffy heard Willow's mechanical sounding voice through the earphones, as the plane's flight evened out. Those were the first words the redhead had spoken to her in over an hour.

"Not a problem," Buffy answered, into the microphone attached to the headset. "Just let me change my pants," she finished mumbling, leaving it to the fates if Willow heard her or not.

Riding in a small plane was not an experience she wanted to repeat anytime soon. It seemed like every breeze made the plane dance around the sky, which made her stomach slightly queasy. She had never been subjected to motion sickness before so she could only blame it on the feeling of imminent death the plane gave her. That at any second something would happen and they would plunge to their deaths on the hard ground below. That's why for most of the trip she had firmly kept her eyes on the horizon, hoping that the old seafarer's trick would work in a plane.

Willow had been very quiet for the entire trip and Buffy didn't know if that was because she was concentrating on keeping the craft in the air or because of the company. Willow hadn't said more than a few words to her since taking off in Cleveland. All she had done was hand Buffy a set of earphones and a nice pair of sunglasses.

The silence had hurt at the beginning of the flight but as the minutes grew into hours Buffy decided to just let it go. In a way she was happy for the lack of conversation, as uncomfortable it as it had been. She also felt for the first time in a long time that she had a break from the pressures being the Slayer Prime had forced on her. This was her first solo mission in years, no baby slayer to protect from herself. Buffy still felt betrayed by the hacker, or ex-hacker for all she knew. All Buffy really knew was that Willow blamed her for what happened to Kennedy and there was nothing she could do about it.

Buffy tried to distract herself by looking down at the land. She couldn't help but notice that the rivers and streams had changed color, from a bright blue to a dark brown. Buffy had seen muddy rivers before, but they didn't look like what she was seeing now. These rivers almost looked like…

"Welcome to North Carolina: The Toilet of the Country." Willow's ironic and bitter voice through the earphones interrupted Buffy's thoughts. Or, if possible, confirmed her thoughts; though her mind shied away from the possibility.

"Huh?" She spoke into the headset's microphone. Taken aback by the anger she could feel coming from Willow.

"Still so articulate Buffy?" Willow sniped and glanced over to her. Buffy could feel the plane beginning to bank, going into a slow circle. She grabbed onto the dashboard, and wondered if it was called a dashboard in a plane? But as she relaxed she was able to look out her window and straight down for the first time. Buffy saw that some of the streams and rivers were out of their banks and what she thought were small islands were actually a few houses.

Willow took the plane lower and Buffy could see thousands of bloated corpses that appeared to be pigs flowing downstream among of the bits and pieces of debris. Still her mind just couldn't accept what Willow was telling her or the images that were forming.

"That's kind of a harsh thing to say." She told Willow, so that she wouldn't have to think about the child she just saw wading through the water. She wanted to ask why Willow was angry, because of what happened all those years ago or because of the environment.

"Buffy," Willow started, and the Slayer flashed on Giles' lecture voice for a moment, feeling herself instantly interested in what her friend had to say. Dawn had told her that Willow was a popular Professor at Duke University. With the respect she commanded by a simple tone change Buffy could well understand why that was so.

"Buffy," Willow repeated to make sure the Slayer was listening. "North Carolina is one of the fastest growing states in the country. Its town's sewage treatment plants can't keep up with demands under normal circumstances, so those towns dump the overflow raw sewage directly into the waterways." Willow's voice took on a harder edge and Buffy watched as her jaw clenched.

"Well, I'm sure it's not that bad…." Buffy started. And she really couldn't imagine anyone; especially the entire political structure of a state, could be so dense. Think of the lawsuits if someone got sick? Or she guessed now that it was nearly impossible to sue a company for faulty products she guessed it was the same with a town.

"You really have been fighting demons too long," Willow laughed, sarcastically, it hurt Buffy to feel like her former best friend was ridiculing her. Something the old Willow Rosenberg would never have done. "You see that building down there to the right?" Willow pointed at a long building that looked like it was made out of tin, with a pond next to it. The pond was overflowing into a brown stream, turning the water an even sicker shade.

"Yes," she answered, as her stomach became queasy for an entirely different reason than the motion of the plane, because that water was flowing into the front yard of the child she just had seen.

Willow continued. "That's either a hog farm or chicken farm. There are over 5000 industry-run "hog farms" in Eastern North Carolina. Each has its own waste pond. When it rains over 4 inches, which it does quite a bit, those ponds overflow and dump untreated or raw hog feces into the waterways and streams." She told Buffy, and now that they were nearly on the coast the Slayer could see the dirty water flowing out of the mouths of the rivers and staining the crystal blue of the Sound brown. "It's especially clear after a hurricane because instead of one or two overflowing treatment plants or ponds they all do." Willow continued as she leveled the plane and now Buffy realized what was wrong with the ocean--the blue green was being overtaken and changed as well.

And Buffy thought that maybe some of Willow's anger was directed at the sickness below them and not just at her?

"I wouldn't eat any shellfish from the southeast for, oh, the next ten years or so… that's if North Carolina doesn't have another hurricane in the meantime," Willow finished bitterly. Now they were flying over tiny strips of sand and as they came closer Buffy saw entire houses floating in the surf.

"That must have been some hurricane," Buffy said, pointing out the destruction and feeling bad for the child she saw.

Again Willow disagreed. "No, Hurricane Max was only a Category Two. The real damage was inland flooding." Then Willow glanced down at what Buffy was seeing.

She shrugged her shoulders, "when you build a house or a community on a migrating sand bar then almost anything will knock it down." She faced Buffy to see if she made her point. "And you know what the sad thing about it Buffy?" Willow asked, facing the Slayer, meeting her eyes. "Is that it costs over 6 billion dollars to rebuild these islands."

"How is that sad? I mean the people have to have their houses fixed, they have to be able to live." Buffy answered, her guts clenching. She was used to handling death, and to certain extent destruction, just not on this scale.

"That's true; but most of the inland families can't afford flood insurance and a lot of insurance companies in NC will no longer cover storm damage, because of the costs of these hurricanes have on the islands." Willow turned back the face the Slayer. "Four years after Hurricane Floyd over 10,000 people in just one county of the fifty counties affected, were still living in tents and trailers because their houses were flooded. Over 100 miles inland, houses were flooded in a real natural disaster and they never recovered …. But Sea Island resort and the Ramada Inn were back in business three months later." Buffy could hear more passion than anger in Willow's voice even over the tinny sound of the headset.

"I no longer "fight the good fight" against vampires and demons," Willow said. The Slayer felt Willow was almost begging her to understand what she meant. And for a second they were back at Sunnydale High and Willow was telling the Slayer that she was staying to fight by her side. For the first time since before that awful snowy night in Cleveland Buffy felt a connection to her best friend, no matter the time and distance, Willow Rosenberg was still her best friend … even if the redhead didn't know it.

"I don't fight against that kind of evil Buffy but I do fight the good fight against another kind. I just fight with words and facts now, instead of stakes and magic," she finished quietly, glancing away as the wall of anger and distance rose up between them once again.

Buffy admired Willow's skill in handling the small plane as it taxied down the tiny landing strip. She looked out at the water of the Sound as Willow parked the craft under what appeared to be an aluminum carport, only larger. After the redhead turned off all the switches and the plane settled to a stop, Buffy couldn't help but marvel at the change in the water. From this angle the water looked clean as the early afternoon sun turned it into a sparkling wonder.

The sight of the water was breathtaking. Buffy watched as an osprey dove out of the sky, pulling up at the last possible moment before skimming the top of the water with its talons. Its powerful wings breaking its downward motion, then they drove the bird upward, back into the air. The bird soared with its prize, a long squirming snake. The Slayer watched the bird and its prey until it was out of sight.

Then with a sigh she turned towards Willow, next to her, taking off the headset. "Well, that was …."

"Shh, Buffy, keep watching," Willow said, as she pointed out to the middle of the cement airstrip.

The Slayer nearly jumped out of her skin a few moments later when the snake landed on nearly the exact spot Willow had pointed out. She stared with her mouth open as the osprey swooped down to its dinner and started feasting on the dead snake. And now that she was looking at it she noticed evidence that the bird had done this trick before.

"The snakes are always bad after a hurricane," Willow said, opening the door to the craft. Then she stopped and turned back to the Slayer, "When I first came here I would watch a family of osprey hunt for hours." Buffy watched as Willow's face took on the wistful expression that reminded her of time before Glory, when they were young and the world seemed so full of incredible things meant only for them.

"I would watch them for hours because they reminded me of you, Buffy." Willow captured the Slayer's gaze and held it. "Beautiful, deadly; the huntress and ruthless protector." Willow blinked and looked at the bird as it finished its lunch, breaking the spell. "Cm'on I want to get things packed up and start out with the tide in the morning."

Buffy was stunned. What did she say to that? _'Not much,_' she thought to herself. _'But she actually cared, even though she was so incredibly angry …. Stop it! You have a job to do and remember that you don't want Willow to be a part of your life anymore. Remember safety, remember you wanted her to have a chance at a normal life with … but she cared then, and it seemed like she still cares now.'_

Buffy looked at her former best friend as she walked to a black SUV. Trying to put aside the hope that they could overcome what had happened._ 'Yeah, right, dream on. It's always when you begin to hope that everything falls apart.'_

It was only a short trip to the school.

During the trip Buffy was struck by how the flat the land was around them. She had been to Iowa and Nebraska but even they didn't compare. It wasn't like a desert, it was alive with green. Green upon green everywhere she looked, from the grass to the pines off in the distance. She could see the blue of the Sounds give way to the white sands of the islands. She saw how much the land mirrored the water; a seemingly endless sea of grass broken only by an occasional "island" of pine trees.

"We're here," Willow told Buffy, motioning out the windshield. They were parked in front of a white frame house that was on stilts. Buffy opened the door of the SUV and stepped onto the gavel parking lot. The front door of the house flew open, banging against the wall.

A tall blonde woman hurried out of the house carrying two pairs of rubber boots.

"Rosenberg, you had better have one hell of an explanation for authorizing The Belle Star to be put out into that mess!" The woman told Willow, handing her a pair of the oversized boots, then waving her arm in the general direction of the Sound behind them.

"I do Clare, but I can't tell you right now," Buffy heard Willow answer, as she walked around in front of the SUV.

"No, Willow!" Clare shouted, "you can't tell me you plan to take a Fiberglass boat out into debris clogged Sound! You know that Pfiesteria pisicida is especially bad when the Hog Shit hits the fan!" Clare towered over Willow, the woman had to be well over six feet tall and with her face red with anger she appeared much bigger to Buffy. The Slayer nearly stepped between the two women before she realized that Willow had her resolve face on, only this new version of it made the expression much more intimidating.

Clare seemed to deflate when Willow stood her ground, staring the taller woman down. Buffy became really worried when the stand-off lasted more than a minute. But finally Clare blinked and looked away, signaling the end of it. The woman turned to Buffy, holding out a pair of the rubber boots, and then smiled.

"Hi I'm Clare, Willow's boss.'" When Clare smiled like that Buffy realized that she was beautiful in a classic way. Short blonde hair, brilliant clear blues eyes, the crow's feet around her eyes were made from laughing … Buffy couldn't stop the answering smile.

"Hi I'm Buffy," she said reaching out her hand to shake the one Clare offered. "You're Will's boss?" She asked confused at how a boss could be bullied.

Clare took Buffy's hand and placed the boots in it. "Yes, I'm that impertinent youngin's boss," she said exasperated. "And she'd just better be happy that she's got such a top notch mind or one of these days she's going to find herself in the unemployment line!"

Buffy stood there, slightly in awe of the woman before her and completely confused about the boots. Willow leaned against the SUV to put her pair on and explained to Buffy.

"The snakes are really bad after a …."

"… a hurricane," Buffy finished for her. "Thank you, that seems to be the ongoing theme."

"That's right, also this area was flooded by the storm surge so do you really want to walk around in that muck?" Clare questioned. And Buffy looked back at the Sound, the earlier sun-lit beauty was gone and it was back to the brown mess she saw from the plane.

"No, I guess not." And she too, leaned against the truck to put the oversize boots on over her Nikes.

"Clare will you show Buffy to the guest cottage?" Willow asked after she put her boots on. She walked around to the back of the SUV and opened it up, pulling out Buffy's overnight and weapons bags.

"Sure thing." Clare reached around to pickup the overnight bag.

"Thanks, I want to see how far Bonnie and Donna have gotten on installing the sonar," Willow said, walking off towards the Sound.

Buffy reached down for the suitcase that carried her weapons and Clare motioned for her to follow.

"So you're part of Rosenberg's mysterious past that she never talks about?" The older woman asked.

"We went to High School together," Buffy told her, wondering what she should or shouldn't say. Willow must have kept quiet for a reason. As they turned a corner Buffy saw a row of small frame houses, just like the one where they parked. She searched her mind, trying to think of way to keep from answering questions about Willow.

"So what is Fester-teria?" Thinking that the name sounded like a new breed of demon.

"Pfiesteria," Clare corrected her. "It's a form of Red-tide that lives in nutrient rich water," she said, motioning Buffy to follow her up the stairs to one of the cottages.

"And can I say 'Huh?'" Buffy told her as she followed her into the pleasant three room house.

"In one of its 26 life stages it eats the pig feces and fertilizer that runs off from farms," Clare told, her showing her to the bedroom. The scientist placed the overnight bag on the bed and then got down on her hands and knees to look under it. "Pfiesteria would be a good thing except it releases a neurotoxin that kills fish and causes Apashia in humans."

She finished looking under the bed and then went to the closet and pulled out an airtight plastic tub with blankets and sheets in it.

"God is there anything in this state that won't kill you?" Buffy said thinking that it was hard enough living on the Hellmouth.

"Actually," Clare answered. "There are a lot of great things about North Carolina, that's why so many of us "Yankees" have moved down here," she winked at Buffy and smiled again. Walking towards the door she said, "I'll send a student to get you for supper." She stood in the doorway and Buffy got the impression that she was measuring her.

"Don't go outside without your boots, don't pick-up any "sticks" and if you see a log, run in the opposite direction. We don't get many 'Gators around here anymore but the ones we do get are really nasty after a…."

"… a hurricane! I get it." Buffy was getting tired of hearing about the darn hurricane. She just wanted to go kill some vampires and then get back to the nice, cold, snow covered demon infested city she now called home.

With her lecture complete Buffy thought Clare would leave but she stayed in the doorway of the bedroom. Buffy saw the confusion in the older woman face.

"You're Willow's boss?" Buffy asked, thinking that the simple question could put Clare at ease.

Buffy watched as the woman blinked as if coming out of a daze. "Yes, I'm supposedly her boss however she tends to go it alone a lot. I'm also the Director of the school; all these children are my responsibility." Clare seemed to become smaller as her shoulders drooped. "I assign the crews to the boats," she paused. "I mean one of the things I do is assign the crews …."

The air became heavy as Buffy recognized the guilt that Clare felt. If she assigned the crews then she knew each of the young people in the crime scene photos Willow had shown her. Buffy sat on the bed and started to take off the thick boots. Deliberately facing away from Clare to give the woman some privacy with her grief and also because Buffy knew that this woman needed to talk about what happened. Yet, Clare was proud, and would need time, so she tried to ignore the tears forming in the Director's eyes.

"I was Willow's Advisor when she enrolled at Duke," Clare said, confusing Buffy with the change of subject. Clare gave her a half smile and then started to walk around the room, keeping her back to the Slayer. "I had never seen such a… driven student. Willow tested out of most of the undergraduate courses," Clare said, over her shoulder still walking around the room. She paused at the open window and looked out at the water.

"Willow … she has a haunted look in her eyes." The woman turned around to face Buffy. "Have you seen it? Do you know what caused it?" She asked in earnest.

Buffy felt like she'd been slapped as the images and emotions from that night assaulted her. She stood up with the thought of running out the door but was able to catch herself at the last moment.

"I guess you do know, then," Clare answered her own question. Buffy turned back to her, dashing the tears out of her eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to purge the vision along with the pain.

'_Gods I thought I was over this, or at least … I don't know, it still hurts so much!_' She thought to herself, belatedly realizing that Clare was talking again.

"The police said Pirates, international waters …. John's mother couldn't stop crying long enough for me …." Buffy watched as Clare was lost to a memory.

The Slayer waited patiently as she thought, _'so many times Willow helped me through the flashbacks, the nightmares …. And when it counted the most for her I let her down.'_

'_Twice.'_

' _First with Tara and then with Kennedy.'_

"Ah, where was I?" Clare asked, breaking into Buffy's thoughts. The Director walked back towards the bed. "The police couldn't help. Willow said you could."

The woman looked at Buffy with hope. And it wounded the Slayer. _'I don't want your hope. I have none, so don't give me the responsibility of yours.'_

"I didn't want to believe her, you see. I saw the bodies, I saw what they …." Clare stopped again, to swallow the bile.

"Whatever did it, enjoyed it," she said simply. "I saw the look in Willow's eyes when she came here, she still has it. That darkness she has inside of her has never gone away." She paused, pinning the Slayer with her gaze. "It has never given Willow one moment of peace in all the years I've known her." Clare took a step forward. "So when she said she knew what did it, I believed her."

Buffy could tell by the way Clare leaned forward that she was begging the Slayer to understand. And she did understand, she understood to well if her own dreams were any indication.

"I see them every night in my dreams, I miss them every day," Clare continued. "I can't send another boat out until I know whatever did this is … gone."

The woman walked to the door of the bedroom, then turned back to Buffy once more. "I don't want the darkness to swallow me, like it has Willow. I don't want to look in the mirror in ten years and see this pain staring back at me. Can you give my children justice?" She asked, staring at Buffy like she did with Willow earlier. Only this time Buffy knew that she wouldn't back down until she had her answer.

The Slayer met her eyes. "Yes, I think I can. It's what I do. Its all that I am."

Clare nodded once and then left.

**Chapter Two - Marine Biology Research School - Beaufort North Carolina - Aftermath of Hurricane Max.**

Buffy found out quickly that the power was off in her cottage. She discovered that all the windows except for the ones on the front of the house and in her bedroom were covered with one-inch thick plywood.

She walked out onto the porch and noticed that all of the other cottages were boarded up, too. _'A vampire would love a hurricane; all the dark covered windows and the cloud cover, it could go from house to house feasting on the locals,' _she thought. When she saw a small twig lying on the path she wondered. _'Is the porch off limits too, without the boots from Hell? Better not risk it and go back inside.'_

Buffy went back into the dark interior and opened the uncovered windows. As soon as all the bedroom windows were opened a nice breeze zipped through the tiny cottage making it pleasant.

She roamed the small house for a few minutes noting that there were two oil lamps on a table in the hallway, a high-priced flashlight, and a battery-operated lantern in the bathroom. She thought it was strange that the only furniture in the cottage was the table and the iron bed_. 'But then again Clare did mention flooding so maybe they put all the furniture in the attic?'_ She thought when she saw a door conveniently marked "Attic."

As Buffy wandered through the house she considered going out into the afternoon light and exploring the school grounds_. 'Oh, be real, the only reason you want to go out is to find Willow. Instead why don't you lie down ….'_ She looked at the soft mattress on the bed and this morning's tiredness caught up with her. She didn't bother to make the bed; just pulled a light blanket over her as she lay down, using her arm as a pillow.

Buffy hated this dream:

_She hated the way she felt, the way Willow was crying harder than she had ever seen her. Buffy hated that somewhere deep inside, she was happy that Kennedy was missing. But, most of all, she hated feeling Willow's pain—she loved her best friend—this was a fact that she would never admit, she would never act on. All she wanted was for Willow to be safe and happy; if that meant putting up with an arrogant interloper she could deal._

_"It's like I'm losing Tara all over again!" Willow screamed, her fists pounding ineffectually against Buffy as she held her. Then, as dreams do, it changed from Willow's soft hits to the vampire's vicious pounding … pounding her over and over on the one spot that caused her knees to buckle and the bile to rise up in her throat._

_The sword wound from the battle with the First had healed after months of infections and a blur of operations. But it had left scar tissue twisting up her insides, adhesions was the medical term; agony was the Slayer's life when the old wound was hit. The Vampire knew this, knew this weakness. The Slayer knew that she shouldn't have gone out in the dark sleet to lead the rescue mission, that she should have stayed indoors in front of the warm fire Dawn had insisted on making minutes before their lives were shattered._

_When she coughed up blood all over the Vampire, it stopped the beating, and had thrown her into the dirty slush of the alley. Buffy came face to face with what was left of Rona, her throat ripped open and the blood spraying the snow as it fell, changing it to a red rain as her young heart kept beating._

She heard a hard knock on a wooden door and the feeling that someone was close jerked Buffy out of the dream. She opened her eyes to the dark interior of the cottage's bedroom.

The images wouldn't leave her alone. As she looked around the room she also saw the pain on her best friend's face. _'I shouldn't have gone out that night. But I couldn't stay at home and watch Willow's world being ripped apart--again--without at least trying to save her. If I made a mistake it was by listening to Giles and taking back-up. The Vampire wanted me. The rest didn't have to die.'_

"Miss Summers?" A soft voice called to her from the hall outside of the bedroom. She was so lost in the past she had forgotten about the knock. "Miss Summers? Dr Gidwitz, ah, Clare, asked me to fetch you?" The voice continued, only the slur of the Southern accent made it sound like "Miz Sum-mers." Buffy was still half-way caught between the chill of Cleveland and the warmth of the North Carolina autumn night. Shivering slightly, she pulled the blanket tighter as the black emotions of the dream began to fade.

The darkness of the room wasn't an issue, Buffy could see clearly at night. _'All part of the Slayer package …seeing in the dark, always knowing the direction, and gut clenching misery for all those around me.'_

"Miss Summers, Dr. Rosenberg said that I could have her come if you …." The mention of Willow's name and title spurred Buffy to action. Shaking her head to clear the last of the dream's images she sat up, dashing the tears from her eyes.

"No, I'm up," she said, after a moment of composing herself. She then threw off the blanket and stood up, only to realize that while the night air was warmer than Cleveland, it was still quite cool. She spotted her overnight bag and walked around the bed to grab a sweater out of it. "You can come in, I don't bite." She said belatedly remembering her visitor.

A small brunette pushed the door open further. "Dr. Rosenberg was very clear that I shouldn't enter the room if you were asleep. She was worried I would startle you."

"Was Willow here earlier?" Buffy asked the girl, then wondered how the redhead could have gotten so close without the Slayer feeling her.

"No, she'd been with us all afternoon …" The girl answered as Buffy felt a disappointment that Willow hadn't been there. "Dr. Rosenberg just said not to startle you and if you were asleep not to get close?" The way the girl finished the last line made the statement into a question.

Buffy looked at the girl and realized that she wasn't a child at all. She was just small like the Slayer was petite. "Yea, waking me up isn't a smart thing to do." Buffy mumbled. _'Not really wanting to talk to a stranger about my sleeping habits, besides what's this with all the "Dr. Rosenbergs?"'_

She shook her head and asked. "Why did Willow send you?" Realizing too late how blunt that sounded, Buffy tried to soften it with a smile, only then thinking that the young woman probably couldn't see her in the dark. _'And speaking of the dark, why didn't the girl have a flashlight with her?'_

"The Drs. had a call from Durham they needed to take. So Dr. Rosenberg sent me to get you. It's suppertime, the power has been out for two days, so we be have'n a cook out 'fore all the food goes bad." Buffy stood there with an open mouth trying to translate what the young woman just said. The girl sounded like a mixture between Giles and Julia Roberts in "Steel Magnolias."

Still the woman didn't seem to notice Buffy's confusion as she continued to chat, walking towards the door. "And the Drs. want to see you about leaving tomorrow. I can't believe you be to taken the Belle out onto the Sound." The young woman said, avoiding the partially opened door unerringly.

_'Seeing in the dark … couldn't come in unless I invited her….'_ The Slayer's mind put the pieces together quickly. But the sense that the girl was human stopped Buffy's hand on the end of the stake. _'One thing I've gotten good at over the years is knowing exactly who was a demon and while there is a strange vibe coming of her, she's no demon.'_

The young woman stopped in the doorway and turned back to the Slayer. "Are you coming? Or do you need to use the W/C before we leave?" she asked politely. And again Buffy had to translate … the WC? The Watcher's Council? No, the water closet, or bathroom ….

Buffy just shook her head.

"Cool, so put on ye boots and we'll be off. Oh, and I'm Donna," she told Buffy as the Slayer sat on the edge of the bed and struggled into the huge boots.

Walking outside was an experience that Buffy would remember for the rest of her life. Buffy had grown up in the city with street lights and porch lights all around her. Even the darkest alley in Sunnydale couldn't compare to what she was seeing now. There was no light except for what the stars and the moon provided. Buffy never considered what the night could look like with the absence of artificial lighting, with not even a distant glow of a city to break up the darkness, Buffy could see millions of stars. Dim stars, bright stars, planets, she could see them all clearly burning in the darkness just for her. She nearly tripped twice because she kept her eyes on the beauty of the sky, and yet, it seemed so lonely.

'_Its mirror to how I've felt the last years without Willow fighting beside me. Lost in the darkness….'_ Buffy thought, then she had the sudden need to find the North Star. Turning around until she finally found it, marveling at how different the constellation looked in the clear bright sky. _'Wow, it really does look like a Bear and not just a big dipper, a Bear really has been guiding me through my life. Just like Willow has always my guiding light, everything I did was for her.'_

Her escort stayed quiet and just walked beside the distracted Slayer. Buffy stopped to gaze at the water and wondered if this was what the first English settlers to the area saw 400 years ago? The islands were dark shadows as the moon reflected off of the water.

Standing beside the Sound, she wondered how anyone could be so stupid as to let it become so horribly polluted. And, she also thought, _'If we ever get ahead in this war against evil, if I'm ever able to really rest, this is where I want to live out my life. And, God help me, I want to share it with Willow. That's never going to happen. It's never going end. But if it did, this is the place I could be happy.'_

"Miss Summers, I'm sorry but if we don't go then the best food will be gone," Donna told her, cutting into her thoughts.

"Please call me Buffy, and thank you for showing me all this," the Slayer turned to the young woman, who all of a sudden didn't seem so young. Buffy didn't know how long she stood staring at the water and dreaming of the possibility of Willow joining her one day, however it would be a memory that she would cherish.

Donna looked up at the North Star, then turned back to her. "I can always tell which way is which," she shared with Buffy, a strange intensity shining in her eyes. "Whenever I would get lost out on the water, the ocean, I knew that all I had to do was just head west of the star," Donna said, facing away from Buffy.

Then the Slayer in her made her ask the question that had been nagging her since she first met Donna. "How can you see so well in the dark?"

Donna looked back at her for a moment then motioned her for to follow as they started back towards the school. "I don't know about you, I'm hungry!" And the woman was just a young girl again.

After a few steps Donna walked in a wide arc around what looked like a broken branch only as Buffy neared it, the "branch" curled up into a coil and hissed at her, the snake's white mouth reflecting the light from the moon.

"Watch it, cottonmouths are nasty…." Donna warned as Buffy interrupted her.

"Let me guess? Especially after a hurricane?" she finished.

"Nope, what I was going to say is that cottonmouths are just plain in a bad mood all the damn time," Donna told Buffy, smiling. "I can see in the dark, as you call it, 'cause I grew up around here. Some nights on the river it would be so black that you couldn't see the person next to you."

The girl looked at Buffy to see if she understood. They were nearing a large three-story brick building. "We would have to float with the current while setting the traps, the crab traps," Donna said, making sure Buffy knew what she was talking about. "And if we drifted to close to shore and got under the trees, sometimes the snakes would drop down on us in the boat. Or during the spring they would actually try to climb in the boat to attack us."

Buffy shuddered at the thought of a snake with bad intentions dropping on top of her. Thinking of the old Indiana Jones movies where Indy said, "Snakes! Why does it always have to be snakes?" Thank god so far Buffy had only run across two snake demons and only had to really fight one. And it didn't really look like snake because it had arms and a rubbery skin….it looked more like a bad prop out of some 70's movie than a demon.

"Here we are," Donna announced, as they rounded the building and Buffy found an outdoor party already in progress. Citronella candles and torches were placed around a small area of grass. Gas grills were set up and delicious odors wafted in the air. Buffy couldn't believe that she hadn't smelled the food before now.

"We were downwind," Donna answered with a smile, as if reading the Slayer's mind. "It's a simple arrangement; all you do is grab a plate and serve yourself." Donna pointed at the small portable table that held a stack of paper plates and cups. "When you're finished throw everything away. All the food has to be eaten tonight."

"I got it." Buffy said, spotting Willow and Clare already sitting at a small table, eating and pointing at some papers between them. Buffy waved back when Clare looked up and waved at her.

"I'll leave you then," Donna told her, then wandered off to join a group of about 10 students stacking up their plates with various foods.

Buffy stood watching the young people for a few minutes. Even when she was in high school at Sunnydale she was never one for crowds. Not that the 10 students and two professors could be considered a crowd … it was still more people than she was used to being around.

She noticed the way the kids interacted. The area had all the trappings of a party, just none of the feel. A cloud of grief hung heavily over them. _'Nothing I'm not used to. I've had so much practice dealing with grief, with losing someone; you would think that I'd get better at it.'_

When the kids around the grills thinned a bit, she walked over to the table that had baby wipes, rubbing alcohol, paper plates, bottled water, and warm beer on it lined up in a row. There was no silverware and Buffy saw that people were eating with their fingers. Understanding the concept, Buffy cleaned her hands with the baby wipes, then rinsed them with the alcohol, after a few seconds her hands were dry enough to pick up a plate and she started grabbing the food.

She briefly thought about trying to avoid Willow but when Clare smiled at her again, she figured that she should join them. _'It's just Willow! You can go over there and talk to Willow.'_ She tried to give herself a pep talk, the redhead's silence in the plane this morning still stung.

"I mean it Willow; it's an unnecessary risk that you don't have to take…." Buffy heard Clare say as she walked up to the table and sat down. "Hi Buffy. I'm just trying to talk some sense into this woman's thick skull." Clare told the Slayer as she sat next to her at the picnic table. Buffy looked across at Willow wondering if the redhead was going to acknowledge her or not.

"Hi Buffy …." Willow said finally, she looked away slowly, picking at her meal. Some kind of fish the Slayer thought. Everything on the grills was unrecognizable to Buffy so she had gone by smell.

"I'm glad that you could join us," Willow continued. It seemed like she was forcing the words out.

"Willow, all I'm asking is three days? Just three days and you can leave from Charleston with full tanks and fully stocked." Clare said into the silence, leaning forward toward the redhead.

Buffy noticed that Willow appeared relieved not to have to talk or hold a conversation with her. _'I guess she'll never be able forgive me for that night.'_

"Clare, you know it'll be at least 5 days to a week if we do that. A day to pack up Belle, two days to truck her down there, another day to launch her, and yet another day to recalibrate the instruments. I just don't think we have that kind of time." Now it was Willow's turn to lean toward the director of the school.

'_How does Willow get away with telling her boss what she's going to do?'_ Buffy thought.

"I just … I don't want anything to happen to you, too." Clare said turning away and wiping at her eyes. "You know they call this section of coastline 'the Graveyard of the Atlantic' for a reason." Buffy watched as Willow's features softened and she reached across the table to hold Clare's hand.

"Listen, Clare, there are at least a dozen other places called 'the Graveyard of the Atlantic.' Just trust that I know what I'm doing …." Then Willow looked up into Buffy's eyes, and gave her a tentative smile. "We know what we're doing and Buffy is very good at her job, nothing will happen to me."

Buffy couldn't stop the surge of hope she felt as Willow's bright eyes looked into hers. Then the moment was lost when Willow pulled back into herself, releasing the Director's hand.

"I know I can get Belle out of the Sound, then we can make a dash under full sail to Bermuda. We can be fully stocked inside two days and out at sea hunting Hurricane Paul … if Paul turns into a hurricane…. After Natalie decided to head towards Texas, its all Paul," Willow told Clare confidently.

Still, Buffy could tell by the way Willow's cheeks were turning red that she was lying about something. _'The reason she asked for a Slayer was to hunt vampires not hurricanes … so was that what Willow was worried about?'_

Buffy thought's were interrupted by a fresh-faced teenager as he ran up to the table out of the darkness. Sweat sticking his bright red hair together in clumps.

"Dr. Rosenberg, we finally have the uplink to NOAA back online and you are going to want to see this, you too, Dr. Gidwitz!" He nearly shouted, standing at the edge of the table, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, holding what looked like a laptop in his hands. Then he smiled shyly at Willow.

Buffy recognized the look the young man was giving the redhead—complete and total adoration—oh, yea, he had a major crush on her.

"Thanks, Bob," Willow smiled back at him and Buffy could see real affection in her gaze, as Willow stood and offered him her seat. The boy placed the computer down on the table and climbed over the bench. Buffy noticed that he didn't have the boots from Hell.

'_"Dr. Rosenberg?" He must be one of her students,'_ Buffy thought. _'Still if he risked snakes and whatnot to dash over here from wherever this uplink was located, something must be wrong.'_

"I knew that you wanted to know what Paul was doing right away so when I got the latest Geo-stats and numbers I ran Dr. Gidwitz's program," Bob continued, never taking his eyes off of Willow. As his computer booted, with the extra light from the machine, Buffy could see that the boy's face was unnaturally white, instead of being flush from the run.

Buffy vaguely wondered why Clare didn't get up to go look over the boy's shoulder, like Willow was doing, until Bob hit a few keys and the backside of the laptop lit up, too. The computer was doubled screened, something that Buffy had seen advertised on TV, just not in person.

A map of the Atlantic appeared with a not very impressive group of clouds somewhere down near something called D.R. _'DR? The Dominican Republic?'_

"This is a Geo-stat enhanced water vapor image," Clare explained to Buffy. "We use several different images, along with other data, to come up with estimates of strength and location of the storms until a hunter aircraft can actually fly through it," she continued. "I wrote this software with funding from NOAA and commercial interests to predict strength, development, and movement of storms up to two weeks. NOAA does not officially use it yet, because we're still testing it. So far, in two years, the results have been promising."

"She's being modest Buffy," Willow said, without taking her eyes off the screen or the numbers that Bob was now typing into the computer. "This program will revolutionize hurricane prediction; once it's widely accepted, Clare should win a Nobel Prize."

"I wouldn't say that, hopefully it will help to save lives," Clare said earnestly. "Imagine if the government had two weeks for Katrina in 05, instead of five days? Or two weeks for Fred in 07? Or . . . ."

"Ready for the first run?" Bob interrupted, as the rest of students meandered over to the table.

The images on the screen began to move. The not very impressive clump of clouds became less impressive as the program ran. Three times Bob ran the program and the clump of clouds did the same thing each time. Buffy really didn't know what all the numbers meant, but one thing she did understand was that the supposed hurricane, Paul, scooted across Florida and then sat in the Gulf of Mexico next to Florida doing nothing.

'_Slacker hurricane,'_ Buffy thought wondering what this would do to the plans to leave tomorrow. Now Willow would have to admit that they weren't hunting a storm they were hunting vampires.

Clare let out a relieved sigh looking at Willow. "Well, now you have no reason to leave until the Sound clears out a little and the channels can be remarked," she told the redhead. But there was something in the way that Willow stood up straighter and her resolve face started forming ….

'_Willow knows something that she's not telling us. She's going to insist that we leave as planned ….'_ Buffy thought, watching the two women as the faced each other.

Bob looked up from the display with a frightened expression and Buffy remembered how white he looked a few minutes ago. He had been deathly afraid, as in 'his life flashing before his eyes afraid'… as in he'd just seen a vampire for the first time afraid.

"No, y'all are wrong," Bob realized what he said when the two professors turned their gaze on him. He cringed though he didn't back down. "I-I knew Dr. Rosenberg … You see I ran …." The poor boy's hands were shaking again and the other students gathered around the table were looking at anything except the scene unfolding before them.

Except for Donna.

Buffy noticed that she was watching the scene intently … as if she was expecting it.

"Please just watch," Bob asked, and everyone watched the computer screens. Only this time the image was focused on a wave of clouds coming off of Africa. The day and times were clearly stamped at the bottom of the image so Buffy could tell that the cloud wave had left Africa two weeks ago and was now just north of South America.

Then the wave started to change, it first turned into a ball, then it turned into a bright red circle. Whereas Paul had been intent on hitting every land mass it could, this hurricane lithely danced around them. When the image turned black, Buffy heard muted gasps. But when the hurricane suddenly turned north and started to parallel the Florida coast, she felt a thick tension begin to fill the air.

A line of clouds sweeping out of the plains states seemed to turn the new hurricane east; away from the coast and Buffy heard everyone sigh with relief. Then lazy Paul, all forgotten in the Gulf of Mexico, neatly jumped across Florida … and disappeared into the new hurricane, causing the new storm to double in size as it formed a perfect black donut.

"No, that can't happen," Clare said in awe. "The two outflows should clash." The storm, still heading slightly northeast missed North Carolina by a hair's breadth.

"Wow, I thought we were in the bull's eye," Buffy heard a girl say from behind her.

"That one … I wouldn't want to be …." The rest was lost on Buffy because when she looked up from the screen she saw that Donna was staring at her. The girl immediately glanced back down as if remind her to keep watching the computer.

When the new hurricane was even with the North Carolina coast, it suddenly stopped, then it made a left turn and plowed directly into the Outer Banks.

There was a stunned pause and then the students started shouting.

As soon as Clare stood up, everyone quieted. Buffy was amazed at how the Director commanded respect. Even Willow was watching her intently. _'She didn't have to shout or call for attention, she just stood up … so different from the way I have to do things.'_

"Willow, you and Eileen rework Bob's numbers. Use the back-up generator from the experiments, if you run out of battery power." Willow and another girl left, without a word or comment.

When Bob started to protest, Clare raised her hand to quiet him. "Bob, you've been up for 48 hours straight and you know that everything has to be supported or no one will believe it." The young teen accepted Clare's words at face value and simply nodded his head.

"Donna, send a copy of the data to NOAA and see what they think," the girl nodded but didn't leave.

"Becky, you call Durham and get everyone back here tonight. Tell them to bring their own water and food." An older woman separated herself from the crowd and moved to her task.

"Cambel, you are in charge of the experiments, Kim stock the Belle with everything she can carry, we won't be needing it… and the data Willow can gather will be huge. The rest of you start tying down and boarding up. We have 10 days before the "big one" hits." With that all the students left except for Donna.

'_I can't help but admire her leadership. I just wish I could lead like her. Calm, in control, and she didn't make Bob feel bad about having them check behind him. No speeches, no false praise, they all know what they are facing and they trust her.'_ Buffy thought to herself.

Clare sighed, rubbing her eyes as her shoulders drooped and all the charismatic leadership qualities that Buffy admired flowed out of the woman.

'_So this weighs on her liked it does me. She said she dreams of the kids on the boat. What will her dreams be about now? Closer to mine I bet.'_ Buffy stood, thinking that she was forgotten.

"What dummy at the National Hurricane Center thought it was smart to name a storm Oya?" Clare asked Buffy or the air, the Slayer couldn't tell which.

"Oya?" Buffy repeated.

Clare turned towards her, "I don't care what you think! You just do not name a storm after a storm Goddess!"

"Dr Gidwitz! We need to ask you …." A voice shouted from the other side of the building.

"Coming!" Clare gave Buffy a tight smile, straightened her shoulders, and took off at a trot.

"What?" Buffy said after her.

"Oya," Buffy heard Donna behind her. "An African warrior Goddess who would send hurricanes after people that pissed her off." Donna looked pointedly towards the filthy Sound.

**Chapter Three - Marine Biology Research School - Beaufort North Carolina - Aboard the Research Vessel the Belle Star**

"Miss Summers?" Buffy heard Donna at the cottage door and the Slayer picked up her two bags. She had woken surprisingly refreshed just a few minutes ago. Her internal clock always knew when dawn was approaching. For the past few years she hadn't been able to sleep through the sun rising. She could sleep before it, or after it, just never through it. After the drama of last night Buffy had quickly realized that there was nothing she could do to help the students prepare for the coming storm so she had gone back to the cottage.

"I'm coming," Buffy told the young student and walked out to the front room of the tiny cottage. The girl was standing framed by the doorway with the gray predawn sky behind her. And suddenly Buffy's spider sense started to tingle as Donna seemed to age before her eyes, growing old and bent, her eyes clouding over. The magical strength radiating off the old woman filled up the room of the small cottage until Buffy didn't know if she should attack her or kneel at her feet.

"Miss Summers?" Buffy heard the name echo in the empty room and felt a warm hand grip her arm steadying her as her world came back into focus. She blinked her eyes clear and looked up into the worried face of the young college student.

"I'm fine," the Slayer said, shaking off the supporting hand. "I'm …fine." As the image of Donna, overlapped with that of the aged lady of power, confusing Buffy.

As the first rays of the bright sun began to peek over the horizon all sense of power faded away from the girl and Buffy was able to blink away the afterimage. Donna was just a collage student again. Then blackness filled the Slayer's vision for just moment ….

"Isn't it beautiful?" Donna said from beside Buffy as they walked down a long pier towards a sail boat.

"What?" Buffy asked, as wave of sick dizziness filled her. "Weren't we just …."

"See it as I do." The words felt like a command.

Buffy started shaking her head trying to clear it. All the time wondering what had happened, then she looked out over the Sound and saw the Barrier Islands highlighted by the shinning rays of the morning sun. Both the clear blue water and the white sand of the mountainous dunes were sparkling in the light. The beauty of it took Buffy's breath away and made her stare in awe. She watched as the sea gulls skittered around ducking in and out of the high thick grasses that rose up on the water's edge. Buffy's eyes were drawn up when she heard the cry of an Osprey and was amazed anew as the bird rode the thermals in the blazing gold of the early morning sky. The land was unmarked, unscarred, and the Slayer wondered if this was how it looked when the first white settlers had seen it.

She had grown up on the West Coast and was used to vast expanses of beach, only this was a different beauty.

Buffy could sense the magic in the water as it glowed with a soft white light, she saw the haze of it rising up off the Sound like sea spray on the breeze. Whereas the Hellmouth had been discordant, like nails on the chalkboard, this power was welcoming her home. All the tension left her and for the first time she could remember she was at peace. The magic of the water was calling to her and she began to realize why she had been so drawn to the sound last night--it was because this was what she had expected to feel--instead she had felt death from the waters.

Buffy had no understanding of why she had expected the waters to feel this way last night, she just knew that she had. It was like the faint shadow of a memory had surfaced briefly, then was gone.

"Willow, I do trust you."

Suddenly the world slammed back into view and Buffy stumbled a few steps forward, dropping the bags she had forgotten she was carrying onto the rough wooden planks of the pier. "Why do you think I'm letting you take her out into that!" Buffy's eyes were drawn down to the boat as Clare and Willow stood facing each other, their bodies tense. She could tell that this conversation had been on going for hours and by the dark circles under each of the woman's eyes it appeared as if neither of them had slept.

Confused Buffy glanced up into Donna's face, wondering what had just happened. The brunette was poised on her toes expectantly and Buffy's eyes were drawn once again by the water. A view that was ruined the next instant when the wind shifted and the foul odor from the polluted Sound attacked Buffy's sensitive nose. Her vision clouded as her eyes started water and then she became dizzy as she felt the warmth of Donna's arms wrap around her. With unexpected strength the college student gently lowered her to the pier.

Seconds later Buffy was on her hands and knees losing her breakfast into the dirty water. Even as a veteran of almost every imaginable stinky demon, Buffy had never been subjected to this stench. Each breath she tried to take made it worse … until she felt the gentle touch of magic reaching out to her. Willow's magic touching her mind soothing it. She had recognized it immediately as Willow and grabbed onto the familiar thread pulling it into her soul like a lifeline. The years melted away and they were back in their dorm room:

_"Com'on Buffy, that vamp really knocked you out! Let me call Giles." Buffy could hear the pleading note in Willow's voice. Buffy was in a bad position at the moment, she was on her knees in the middle of their room getting sick for the tenth time in three hours. Getting sick into Willow's trashcan, no less! The embarrassment of using her best friend's trashcan on top of the 'yuck factor' just made her feel worse. It was one thing for her mom or Giles to see her like this, it was another for Willow. The redhead was her best friend in the entire world but that didn't mean she wanted to puke in front of her. _

_She felt the cool wet washcloth placed on the back of her neck and her hair was pulled back from her face by gentle fingers. And Buffy's walls began to melt. What had she done to deserve such a caring and loving best friend? _

_"Shuss, Buffy, just try to breathe." The words floated though Buffy's mind giving her something latch onto, as warm fingers stroked her hot sweaty face._

_Willow had spent most of the summer helping her get over Angel …or just hanging out. And now she was helping her get over her latest concussion._

_Tears sprang to her eyes and she dashed them away. The last thing Willow needed was to see was her crying, then she really would call Giles, which would mean yet another trip to the Hell that they called a hospital. Which meant that she would miss the make-up exam Professor Walsh was giving her this morning. _

_As the latest spasm eased she rolled over onto to the floor, away from Willow, and curled up into a ball of misery. _

_"Buffy, isn't there something you could take?" Willow questioned, her worriedly standing over her. "I'll get the medical kit, I know there has to be something in it that will help." Buffy heard the redhead walk over to her closet before she could protest. Willow damn well knew that there was something she could take. The problem was it would knock her out for the rest of the night and half of tomorrow, thus she would still miss the make-up exam._

_The Slayer swallowed the urge to get sick again and tried to speak._

_"Will," Buffy whispered, the word sounding pathetic even to her own ears. She cleared her throat. "Will!" she was happy with the volume that time. "I can't take anything …I have that psych make-up in less than…" she squinted at the alarm clock on her desk. "In less than 6 hours, I'll be all right by then."_

_"How can you say that Buffy?" Willow asked, as Buffy felt the vibrations of the hacker's footsteps on the cheek she had firmly pressed into the carpet. "You come staggering in here, barely coherent, and…and …have been sick … really sick …violently sick … and I'm worried!"_

_"I'm sorry Will, I should have gone to Giles. I really didn't know it would be this bad," Buffy swallowed the bile that rose in her throat … now that she was lying still the pounding in her head was increasing, keeping time with the rhythm of her heart. She really did feel awful but she knew that in a few hours she would be fine. "I promise I'll be OK, Slayer healing. Oh god…" She cried as another spasm rose up and grabbed her. She found herself hugging the trashcan again._

_Buffy could feel Willow moving around the room. A few moments later she felt a questioning touch on her hunched shoulders, as yet another spasm ripped through her. Her muscles locked quivering with tension and she was unable to catch her breath. Buffy felt Willow's light touch as she ran her hand down her shoulders, to her arm. Gently Willow eased Buffy's death grip on the can and turned the Slayer's arm over in her hands. Buffy was beyond caring, beyond watching, she just wanted it to stop so she could breathe._

_Buffy felt some kind of--force--flow from Willow as the hacker firmly pressed her thumb into the juncture of Buffy's elbow and then slowly ran it down the inside of her arm to her wrist. It felt like a tiny piece of Willow flowed into Buffy and spread through her veins. The taut muscles of her arms and shoulders began to relax and she was finally able to take a deep breath. Willow ran her hand down her arm again, and Buffy felt the tension easing in her back, her stomach finally settling. Willow repeated it, this time it felt like pure Willow energy pouring through her, and Buffy knew that she was safe in Willow's arms. The last of Buffy's walls begin to melt away as the force of Willow's love for her overwhelmed them and, at the same time, all of Buffy's muscles began to relax as the sickness drained out of her ….._

_Willow caught her before she could tumble over and she was pulled away from the smell of sickness, into a warm embrace that smelled like strawberries. _

_Trust. Buffy never knew she would be able to feel that for someone again after Angelus. But in that moment, everything opened inside of the Slayer and more than just the sickness from the concussion was healed. Buffy knew that she could trust Willow with everything._

_The softness of pillows and a blanket contrasted with the hard floor beneath her, she didn't care if they were still on the floor or in a bed because the peace of sleep was overtaking all her senses. And she let them go, all of her senses, even the one that she never let sleep, she let go just this once because she knew that Willow would watch over her, would keep her safe. _

_The last thing she remembered was the amazed voice of her best friend saying, "It worked. I didn't think it would work …." Buffy wanted to tell her that of course it worked, it worked because I trusted you. I trust you completely, fully, as I could never trust another thing in my life._

The same energy that Willow had used so long ago flowed into Buffy as she knelt on the dock. And it worked again for the same reason it had before. Trust.

It wasn't as powerful as that first time the Wiccan had used it. Willow thinking it wouldn't work had poured every ounce of her fledgling magical strength into the simple spell not realizing that she only needed Buffy's trust for it to work.

After a few seconds Buffy was able to stand on wobbling legs, embarrassed that she had gotten sick. She looked over at Clare, the blush rising on her face. The Director just shrugged her shoulders.

"After a while you just don't smell it anymore," she said, turning back to Willow. And Clare was right; Buffy couldn't smell the stench or, really anything, at the moment. She glanced at Willow's shocked face.

"You still …. After all that…" Willow said, intently looking into Buffy's eyes. She knew immediately what the Wiccan was asking.

"Yes," she answered the unspoken question clearly and then stepped down into the boat to stand next to her.

Clare spoke up then, looking at the two women, breaking the intensity. "Now that's just too strange. Do you guys finish each other's sentences often?" She asked, as Buffy looked away from the Willow. Then she realized that she still felt the faint tingle of magic, she glanced at Willow as she remembered the awful stench.

Buffy stared at the Wiccan asking a silent question, and at her nod let it drop. The spell wasn't hurting anyone; it was helping them. Buffy doubted that anyone could tolerate the odor from the sound and she got the feeling that it worked the same way as most of Willow's early spells--off of trust--if the person didn't' trust Willow then it wouldn't work.

Buffy smiled shyly to herself. It seemed as if Willow had truly embraced the gentle ways of Wicca and the ethics that Tara had always practiced.

She looked around at the boat and it looked smaller now that she was actually on it. Clare lithely jumped up on the dock.

"Here, Willow always likes to be alone before she takes a boat out onto the water," Clare told her picking up the forgotten bags and stepping back into the boat. "I'll show you where to stow your gear and give you the five cents tour."

Buffy got the sense that something was missing or that she had forgotten something that was important ….

"I need to get back, it was nice to meet you Miss Summers." The young college student said waving at the Slayer.

"Yea, same here I guess … um, Donna? Right?" The girl nodded and then slowly walked down the pier.

"This is where some of the lifejackets are stowed. There are actually three other places …." Clare told Buffy pulling her thoughts away from the strange girl.

**Chapter Four -- Pamilco Sound aboard the Research Vessel-- The Belle Star**

"Here, Willow always likes to be alone before she takes a boat out onto the water," Clare said, picking up the forgotten bags and stepping back into the boat. "I'll show you where to stow your gear and give you the five cent tour."

Willow watched as Clare guided Buffy down the small companionway that led into the cabin. She had to stop herself from following them because she wanted to see Buffy's reactions to being on a small boat for the first time. _'Then again I've missed so of her life so she might have been on a boat before ... I don't know.'_

"This is where some of the lifejackets are stored. There are actually three other places…." The Wiccan smiled at the exasperation in her mentor's voice at her insistence on having three sets of life vests for each person aboard the craft.

"It's a training vessel, Clare…." She said, knowing that the Director of the School couldn't hear her but needing to say the words to their familiar argument to ground herself in the moment. She shook her head trying to bring herself out of what felt like a dream. Finding out that the school's missing Research Vessel had been attacked by Vampires was nothing less than a nightmare.

'_A nightmare that I thought I had left behind me.'_

Vampires.

'_How? Boats are open to the sun, the wind, the rain, how can they sail a boat?'_ Even as she thought it, at least 50 different ways the Vampires could avoid the sun popped into her mind. She fiddled with the string on the safari hat that was covering her long hair.

_'This is too much for me. I have to gain some control, I have to push things back down!' _

She turned and walked to the stern of the familiar 52-foot sailboat and sat down on the low bench. The boat had been a luxury vessel before the Coast Guard had seized it running drugs. It wasn't the typical craft that drug runners used and it had no value to the Coast Guard so they donated it to the school. Willow considered the boat her little baby since the very first time she set foot on it. So it was no surprise that when she received her degree Clare put her in charge of the Belle Star.

Breathing deeply she tried to find her center so that she could perform the complex spell. True Wiccan magic was so much harder to do than the black sorcery she did in Sunnydale. True Wiccan magic drew on the loving, living, energy of the area, and not the death force that she used while living on the Hellmouth.

_'Don't think about Sunnydale because then you will think about …Buffy.'_ With a frustrated sigh of defeat the scientist stood up and began pacing. _'Buffy is here. Buffy is on The Belle Star. Buffy is here and we are going to go out…'_ With each thought she became more agitated. _'What have I done? Why did I run to back to them for help? I can handle this, I can ….'_ The images of the crime scene photos flashed into her mind. Filling it up, causing the tears to leak out of the corners of her eyes_. 'I can't help them find justice, not alone, not anymore, I just can't go back to that dark magic place. Only a Slayer has the power to help. I've known that all along, and I knew it would be her, despite Giles' telling me he would assign Faith. I knew that fate would intervene. That Faith would be called away or something …. else. I guess I should be happy that Faith was just needed out of town instead of something more dire.'_

The Witch stood and looked out across the filthy waters of the Sound trying to breathe with the pain. Trying to stop the tears from falling as the memories pounded against her resolve to stay detached, to keep the shield of anger up between them.

Ten years ago the Vampire had known Buffy's weakness, it had known she was still recovering from the latest round of surgery, and it knew that she would want to lead Kennedy's rescue party. It had known her ... them, so well ….

_'Ten years. It's taken me ten years to learn to live, to learn how to put the grief, the anger, the pain, in a nice neat little box. Ten years … to lock it all away. To lock my heart away and to build a life away from her. And still the dreams of Kennedy wake me up every night that I'm not sailing.'_ Willow lovingly ran her hand down the polished railing of the boat. _'Since the first time I was on this boat, the water has been safe. With nothing but the sky, the wind, the pure life of the ocean, Buffy, Kennedy, vampires and demons could never reach me.'_

With a frustrated sigh she took off her hat, hanging it on a cleat. She jerked the rubber band holding her hair out of her face and ran her fingers through it combing out the knots, as her mind raced on.

_'I should have been with my students. They were my responsibility. The police say that the kids put up a fight; John had broken hands and torn knuckles. If I had been there, I could have told them how to fight a vampire, if I had been there I could have done something--even if it was only die with them--like I should have died with Kennedy.'_

"So Solar panels supply the power to that Global Posit …position …do dah, and all those computers?" Buffy's voice floated up from the cabin below. "And Willow knows how to use all that … stuff?"

The Wiccan couldn't help her smile. After all these years Buffy, the mighty Slayer Prime no less, still had trouble pronouncing names which was so like her. Willow dashed the tears from her eyes and took one final deep breath_. 'Justice. That's what I want. I want justice for Kennedy, but since I can never have that, I want it for John and the rest of my students. And I want it for me too. May the Goddess Bless me, after ten years I just want all the dreams and guilt to end.'_

Buffy's expressive voice drifted up to her ears once again, this time with a high pitched squeak. "What do you mean no showers?"

Willow took a deep breath trying to lock her emotions away—lock them down—protect her heart. She slowly pulled her hair back and remade her ponytail_. 'Its time to get down to business.'_ She sat down, centering her thoughts and calling the directions, preparing to cast a circle. _'I'm cutting it thin here; I want to leave with the tide so that we are going out with the water and the debris instead of against it.'_

"I ask the spirit of the Wind to come to my circle." She called out to the Element of the Wind and waited until she felt the warm gentle breeze on her face and the fuzziness that always accompanied the Spirit. As the Sylph settled around her, she called the next spirit

Buffy stood on the "bow" of the gently swaying sailboat with the long pole Willow gave her. Her sunglasses hanging around her neck from a string. Despite the brightness of the rising sun she didn't the need the glasses, yet. Although Clare had assured her that she would need them once they hit the open water of the ocean. Buffy looked back at the dock they had left over an hour ago and then ahead at the inlet they were going to use to skirt around the island ahead of them. It seemed to her that they had barely traveled a mile.

_'I'm totally useless. Just window dressing for Willow's magic--a--mojo.'_ She thought as she listened to the whine of the boat's motors. _'Engines on a sailboat? Now doesn't that seem a little bit like cheating? I was expecting a full set of sails just like in the movies. But Clare had said that it's safer to use the engines to get out of the Sound; that we would probably use the engines today and then start fresh with the sails tomorrow.'_

Buffy watched as the boat slowly made its way through the dirty water. _'Well, considering how slow we are going, maybe it isn't cheating. I can't wait to put this yucky, muck-filled Sound behind us.'_

Willow handled the craft as if she was born to the sea, steering them effortlessly through the debris.

"Dead piggy, at twelve o'clock." She mumbled under her breath, trying not to disturb Willow's concentration. _'I always wanted to say that. Not the dead piggy part, just the twelve o'clock part.'_ Buffy reached over the railing with the pole and shoved the carcass out of the boat's path. _'Oh! Tingling on my arms, with a warm Willow feel to it. There is no mistaking the difference in her magic here and on the Hellmouth …sss. I guess that would be Hellmouths, plural … now that is just gross!'_ She thought as she watched the body of the hog, now unbalanced, roll over exposing its bloated belly to the sun. _'And speaking of mojo I am so happy about that anti-smell spell she put on me. I don't understand how the local people can deal with it. Hey, anti-smell spell, say that three times fast!'_

Buffy knew her job wasn't necessary, that as soon as they were out sight of the students on the dock then she could stop the charade.

_'Yep, Willow's shield is up and ready to go!'_ Buffy watched as it nudged a log away from the boat before she could use her long stick_. 'That's me, always using wooden sticks. Am I sure that was just a log? With all the talk about gators and snakes I'll never look at a tree branch the same way again! And speaking of mucky water, you can forget eating shellfish, like crabs and shrimp.' _

The sun was climbing higher in the sky and the early morning chill was giving way to the heat of mid-morning when they finally coasted around the island and the Slayer could see the sparking blue water of the Atlantic Ocean in the distance. _'I'm bored. I'm bored and with the sun beating down on me I'm hot too.'_ She picked up the safari hat that Clare had given her and put it on. _'I like the little string so if the wind blows it off I won't lose it.' _Now I know why Willow said to pack long sleeve T's, I would be burnt to a crisp in an hour.

She watched another dead … something … pass by the boat. This time she had no idea what the body was and she really didn't want to know.

'_OK, no more thinking about what's in the water, let's review what Clare said about the boat.'_ She looked around at the small craft, still amazed what they could fit into it. _'The black panel things stuck on the roof of the cabin are solar, da dum, panels! And the dish type thing on the mast, that looks like a satellite dish is a Doppler radar while the weird antenna that looks like a radar thing from the old war movies is actually the satellite dish. Ok, that one makes sense … as in not! Let's not forget the arm on the mast is a boom... at least it's high enough that I don't have to worry about bumping my head on it. Rah, rah, for short people! There are some advantages.'_

She turned around and looked at Willow. The redhead was clutching the wheel as sweat beaded on her pale face. _'Ok so maybe everything she does is not as effortlessly as I thought, I know it's hot but Willow doesn't look well. I wonder if all this magic stuff is taking it out of her? And I know she didn't get much sleep last night … ugh!'_

_'Stop it Buffy. Stop worrying about Willow, stop feeling guilty, and get back to pushing dead and rotting piggies out of the way before someone notices that none of the debris is actually hitting the boat.'_

Buffy stretched, trying to get some of the knots in her shoulders to release. Somewhere between Clare's explanation about how the Solar panels worked and the GPS locator being military issue instead of "On Star" Buffy lost her. But the part about no showers while on the trip she did remember.

_'So no showers. With only a little water it was either no showers or drink dead piggy water … I can deal with the no showers … I think.'_

The bright images she saw this morning of the pristine water and beautiful dunes made a rage build up inside her at how greedy and dumb people could be…. _'I can't believe that this happens in every hurricane.' _

"Buffy, you can come down here now," Willow's quiet voice reached the Slayer.

"Whew, finally," she sighed, relieved as she put the pole in its container next to the mast and unhooked her safety line from the ... toe rail.

Buffy turned and made her way carefully. There was a small path, or was it gangway, deck way, walkway? Whatever, the narrow edge of deck that lead from the forward, no the bow, of the boat to the … stem, stern, ah, … to Hell with it, the back.

Buffy did remembered that Clare had called it a "Bluewater" sailboat. Which meant that it was made to go sailing in the open ocean, it had a bilge pump and everything, Buffy had seen it. Clare had demonstrated how to turn it, how it worked, where the hand pump was if it didn't work …

_'Yep, I know everything I didn't want to know about a bilge pump!'_ She forced a smile when she realized that she was frowning as she carefully made her way to the stern … back… whatever. With her Slayer balance she knew she could move faster, the shifting boat beneath her feet wasn't an issue, yet. She just didn't want to move fast at the moment...

_'I'm alone with Willow. I am alone on a boat with Willow … and as of right now I have nothing to slay. What do I do? What do I say?'_ She thought as she held onto the railing and stepped over one of the black solar panels bolted to the roof of the cabin. She noticed how the clear Plexiglas protecting it reflected the sun.

_'Let's see, what can I say? I could say: sorry about the last time we saw each other … I didn't mean to have blood streaming out of my mouth as I staked your….'_ Acid stirred in her stomach as forming tears burned the inside of her eyelids. The memory of that night blazed its way through her mind causing her to pause in mid-step. She could almost feel the sleet hitting her overheated face as she smelled the vampire's putrid breath when it bragged about what it was going to do to her and with her once she was turned.

"Buffy!" Willow's voice. "Buffy! Snap out of it!"

She could see Willow's face drain of all color as she ran into the alley ….

The boat suddenly shifted under her feet and she leaned heavily against the railing. She saw Willow's face and knew that she had been busted. Willow had caught her.

Buffy knew what she looked like as she jumped down to the lower deck. She felt her shoulders slump and a single tear burn its way down her cheek. She turned away from the Hacker/ Professor/ Witch, just what was Willow now?

_'She's the reason you fight, the reason you get up every morning, if you never saw her again, as long as you knew she was safe….'_ The too honest inner voice supplied_. 'Oh, shut-up.´_ She told it as she tried to stealthily wipe the tear away.

Buffy walked the few feet over to the side of the boat and looked out at the water. _'I just can't be close to her right now, I have to regain …. I don't know … I just want to stop loving her.'_

The water was beginning to clear up. Buffy was amazed at how low the sailboat rode in the water. _'I wish …things could become clearer like the water. I know that even if Willow felt the same way about me as I did about her all those years ago, it wouldn't matter now. Too much water under the bridge or in the ocean of our past. I wish I could touch her, just once, I wish I could just reach out to her like I can touch the water on the other side of the railing.'_ She heard Willow shuffle her feet and the whine of the engines grew louder, as the speed of the craft increased.

"Memories?" Willow asked softly, the kindness in that one word nearly did in Buffy's control. She couldn't turn around, it would shatter her if she saw compassion in Willow's eyes, instead of the cool professionalism she had gotten used to since first seeing her in Cleveland. So Buffy nodded and hoped that the Wiccan saw her.

After a few seconds she heard the pained whisper, "Me too."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were well clear of the Sound, and the dirty piggie water, as Buffy now thought of it, when Willow spoke again.

"While we are still under engine power I'd like to show you the wheel." When Buffy turned around she was relieved to see the cool professionalism was back in Willow's eyes. The wheel well was a small area and Buffy was still shaken by the power of the memories. If Willow showed just a tiny hint of compassion then she was sure she would lose it. The steering wheel dominated the tiny space.

"I can see the wheel just fine from over here," Buffy said, hoping the Witch didn't want her to drive.

Willow's steady gaze told Buffy all she needed to know. The blonde knew that resistance was futile. _'Gag, I've been spending too much time with Andrew and Xander.' _ Willow smiled at her as she dragged her feet the few steps it took to stand next to the Witch. _'Come to think of it Willow does look really pale … and tired.'_

"Don't you remember that Buffy and driving are unmixy things?" The Slayer questioned , and she was rewarded when Willow chuckled.

"Yes, I do remember. Now hold the wheel here and here." The Wiccan said pointing to the wheel and where to hold it. When Buffy took it, Willow smiled at her. _'Honest to God, I hereby vow to do anything possible to get Willow to smile more often … anything.'_ Buffy thought wondering how she could be so calm being close to Willow after all these years.

Willow closed her eyes briefly and swayed slightly catching herself by putting her hand on Buffy's shoulder. The Slayer tensed at the touch, expecting to feel something from Willow. Then she realized that the 'no smell spell' was thankfully affecting all of her senses. The Wiccan slumped further and Buffy quickly wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her from falling.

"MMM, sorry." Willow said trying to push away from the Slayer. Buffy held on to her and guided her the few feet to the bench that ran around the back of the boat. "I had to add a little extra to the shield and it's really wiped me out," Willow explained, leaning back with her eyes closed. "Just keep the wheel steady …."

Buffy reached back to the wheel, holding it as instructed. She watched as Willow rubbed her eyes and shook her head. The Slayer turned back so that she could see where they were going and noticed several different screens placed above the entry to the cabin. They were conveniently labeled, wind direction, speed, compass, engine temp, and fuel, but the coolest thing was the GPS. It had a map of North Carolina along with a bunch of dots. She could tell which one they were because they were the only dot going southeast.

"Pretty amazing isn't it?" Willow said, standing next to her, startling Buffy that she could get so close without her realizing it. 'I _want that spell off me, like now!_' Buffy thought, then saw Willow sway again. _'Willow really does look pale and drawn. I don't want to ask … but ….'_

"Earth to Buffy?" Willow said, reaching out to touch her arm.

"Huh?" Now that was articulate, Buffy.

"The sea, the wind, the …. Spell? Oh, I haven't, I'm so sorry Buffy," Willow gasped, horrified. "I normally just let it wear off, it will in a few days, for them, I'll take it off of you right now, I am so sorry … with the shield spell needing so much and being on the Star with you … and I'm not babbling? Professors do not babble," she finished, indignantly.

It was all Buffy could do to keep from laughing at the expressions that flew over Willow's face. It was almost like the years dropped away and she was her Willow again … Not that she ever was her Willow, no…. _'Internal babble, never a good thing.'_ The Slayer thought and then was staggered when the redhead waved her hand and, stunningly, everything came into focus. From the bright sunlight filtering down through the soft clouds to the sparking blue of the water, everything slammed into her senses at once. The gentle breeze on her face as the boat cut through the ocean, the refreshing smell of the sea … clinging to the wheel Buffy leaned heavily forward trying to steady her reeling senses.

"Buffy?" She heard Willow's worried voice and felt her touch on the exposed skin of her wrist searing her. Then Willow pulled her into an embrace. It was like a light switch had been thrown and all Buffy's senses had turned on at once. Willow's natural scent filled her and she remembered how she would draw comfort from the smell. Even now it was calming her – helping tense muscles relax – helping her remember to breathe.

Deep breaths, in and then out, each one filled with memories of her best friend that the smell invoked.

Willow smiling at her after telling her that she was staying in Sunnydale. Buffy holding her while she cried after Oz killed Veruca, Willow holding her after Angel left, one memory after another. The years melting away. Buffy looked up into confused and worried green eyes and it was so hard for her to remember that they were no longer best friends. That holding her, hugging her, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek was no longer her privilege.

And it hurt, everything hurt all over again. Waking up in the hospital and finding out that there would be no more chances. That she had used up her last one and that Willow was gone … tears threatened and Buffy couldn't let Willow see the pain, so she turned out of her embrace and put on the heavy sunglasses on

"Um, sorry, overloaded for a moment." Buffy told Willow as she turned back to the wheel. "I'm ok now," she said gruffly, shrugging her shoulders to avoid Willow's touch as the Wiccan reached for her.

She heard the sad sigh as Willow backed away.

"That's right, just hold the wheel steady," Willow coaxed. "You just want to keep her going straight, see that direction? Southeast." She pointed at the compass. "Just keep her going that way and if something changes call me."

"Call you?" Slayer Prime squeaked. She seemed to be doing that a lot today.

"Yes, I need some aspirin and something to eat. I'll bring it back up here," Willow said, rubbing her temples. "We're on engine power, in light seas; I don't see a reason to anchor for the three minutes I'll be gone. Also, I want you to learn how to sail her in case …."

The Wiccan's voice faded as she went down the short set of stairs to the cabin.

"Well, I'll just stay up here …." Buffy whispered when Willow disappeared.

**Chapter Five—Aboard the Research Vessel Belle Star—Off the Southeast Coast**

Buffy sat on the gently rocking boat in the growing darkness watching the stars appear one by one overhead. She was comfortable, enjoying the night air, it was a welcome break.

After the intensity of the morning and then being close to Willow all afternoon Buffy needed some time alone. All afternoon she had ached, literally ached with the need to take Willow into her arms like she used to be able to do. It wasn't sexual, or at least she didn't think it was, it was ... it was more that her heart needed the comfort and the peace that Willow had always offered. Buffy knew, in her head, that she was off limits; just convincing her heart was another matter.

_'It didn't help that every time the wind shifted I could smell her. I could smell the natural Willow smell, not the strawberry shampoo or the vanilla hand lotion, but Willow. I couldn't block her out, I don't know if it was because of the spell she had used earlier or because I was finally close to her, that it wasn't a dream. She's here...I can ask her all the questions I'd wanted to and now she can't run.  
_  
'_The only problem with that is, do I really want to know the answers? Stop it; you have a job to do. Think about your job. Think about ... the boat. That worked earlier in the day.'_

Buffy was getting used to some of the terms Willow used to describe the boat. She knew that she was sitting in the cockpit area that was located on the stern.

_'I love this bench and these cushions are so soft--I wonder if there if there a special nautical term for soft cushions? There seems to be one for everything else.'  
_  
She could hear Willow in the tiny cabin below talking to Clare and the rest of the people from the school on the satellite phone. Willow had them on the speaker as she ran through the information that Clare had uploaded to the computers while they were busy sailing.

"Yes, with the full moon we were able to push on for a few more hours ..." Buffy clearly heard Willow tell Clare. The Director of the School was apparently very pleased that they were able to go so far before dropping anchor for the night.

"Willow," Buffy heard the tension in Clare's voice. "I don't need to tell you that the information that you can gather on Oya could mean a breakthrough in hurricane forecasting?"

"Of course not Clare ... " Buffy noticed something in Willow's voice. She couldn't figure out exactly what it was that was bothering her about it.

"...in California we always talked about the 'big one' meaning earthquakes..." Willow continued. "... Oya is exactly like that. Think of the lives the information that we gather could save if we could not only tweak your program but prove it works. It would be ..."

There it was again, it was almost like Willow was working too hard to reassure Clare that she knew the importance of their mission. She sounded exactly like that when she lied about leaving Glory alone after the god had hurt Tara. A shudder ran through Buffy as she thought about that awful time. If it hadn't been for Spike she might have lost her best friend that night. Buffy pulled her thoughts to the present with an effort.

_'Why is she lying?'_ Buffy thought, not upset, just curious. _'With Glory it was because she wanted revenge and knew I would try to stop her. Revenge...I wasn't able to stop her when Tara died. I wasn't able to help ...I was her best friend and all I could do was sit back and pass judgment. I was right, she was wrong, but sometimes you can either be right or you can be a friend.'  
_  
Buffy leaned back on the cushions and watched as the clouds floated in front of the moon. Sometimes it seemed that the clouds were chasing the moon across the sky, while at other times it looked like the moon was in hot pursuit of the clouds.

_'So Willow is out for revenge, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why this time. That special someone she mentioned in Cleveland. Well, I wasn't a friend to her after Tara, and she ...she left me ... us...after Kennedy. So I will be one this time.'_

Buffy could feel some of the tension of the past few years begin to leave. Since she was fifteen she had never had time to just sit down and watch the nighttime sky. This was when she when she normally went to work. She looked out over the dark water and she could see lights moving slowly in the distance. It looked to be a huge ship judging from the spacing of the lights and how many there were. As the darkness fell a few soft lights came on around the Belle Star, one on the top of the mast, and two on the bow.

She'd lost the thread of the conversation only to pick it back up when Willow asked about the preparations for Oya. She could hear the concern in Clare's voice as she answered.

"As soon as she clears Bermuda and we're sure they aren't going to be hit, I plan to send everyone there," Clare said, and even over the miles with her voice bouncing off a satellite and muffled by the boat's walls, Buffy could hear the fear. "She's going to be a monster, Willow. I don't think there will be a safe place on the entire East Coast. If you run the latest models that Bob and Becky have worked up you will find that 164 to 210 MHP sustained winds will extend 250 hundred miles from the center and hurricane force winds up to six hundred miles by the time of landfall."

Buffy heard a pause and she could almost see Willow tapping on the keys to the computer.

"Gods, Clare! Everyone from Savannah to New York will get some kind of storm surge. Roanoke Island will be the only land above the water on the entire Outer Banks!" Willow said, in awe.

"She's the big one," Clare's voice nearly cracked. "She's the one that we've been warning people about for 50 years. She's the one that's going to pound North Carolina back into the Stone Age and maybe take Richmond, DC, and Baltimore with her."

That caused Buffy sit up because everyone knew that demons loved natural disasters. People had to wander the streets at all hours of the night, looking for food and water or the shelters that "welcomed" everyone. No one knows how many people died during Katrina or Fred and how many after and Oya was supposed to be the "Big One?"

_'Giles need this information. I'll ask Willow if we can call him in the morning or email him later. Maybe he can get Faith back so that she can help him figure out how best to deploy our girls. She needs to learn how to command... she needs to start accepting the responsibility of being the oldest living Slayer. Well, oldest besides me but I've died twice so I don't count.'  
_  
She leaned back and reached over the railing to trail her hand idly through the water, waiting for Willow to finish her conversation. She was slightly surprised that the water was so warm. Bathwater warm. Even in the middle of summer the Pacific was never this warm.

_'What is wrong with me tonight? Why can't I focus.'  
_  
She felt...she didn't know exactly how she felt. _'Maybe all the emotion from seeing Willow...from being close to her again ... I don't know, I don't want to think about it ... I just want my best friend back and yet, I know that can never happen. Even if she could forgive me for everything, it's just too dangerous for her. Knowing Willow got out ...'_

"Hey," Willow said, breaking into Buffy's thoughts as she walked up the stairs from the cabin below. "I thought you could use this," she held out a light jacket to Buffy. The Slayer didn't know what to say, the thoughtfulness inherent in the action was just like the old Willow.

_'My Willow.'_

"Um ... Thanks," she said, standing up to put the jacket on and then moving over toward the other side of the boat. "I didn't realize how fast it got cold after the sun goes down," she said, facing away from Willow. While Buffy couldn't handle talking to Willow about those awful years, she did want her company. She so desperately wanted her company and her friendship.

The Slayer could feel a slight movement as Willow walked over to the railing, as far away from Buffy as she could get in the small space. Silence hung heavily between them as the seconds stretched into minutes.

"I heard some of what you said about the hurricane." Buffy said, and Willow could hear the concern in her voice. And she immediately wondered if the blonde overheard the lie she had told Clare.

_'Damn Slayer hearing. I'd forgotten about it.'_

"I'd like to contact Giles tomorrow and let him know your predictions. Maybe the extra time will help him prepare a list of actionable items? A plan," Buffy finished.

"Yes, sure, I'll email the information to him right now," Willow said, trying to escape. She didn't want to go into all the reasons that she lied to Clare. She didn't want to see the pity that she knew would be in Buffy's eyes. She didn't want Buffy on the Belle Star, she was so tempted to just go off and chase the hurricane instead of the vampires. It would keep Buffy safe just a few weeks longer, she wanted to just enjoy the wind, the water, her life's work.

But, she couldn't. She wouldn't and because of that Buffy would be put into danger.

_'Just like Cleveland and in Sunnydale, Buffy could be killed because of me. How could I ever live if she died?_

Willow hesitated for a moment, torn between wanting to escape and wanting to confess.

"Wait, you don't have to do that now. Giles doesn't check his email until the morning anyway." Buffy said, quickly turning around as Willow nearly dashed to the steps of the cabin.

"Willow! Wait, stop!" Buffy nearly shouted at her in frustration, and the Witch paused in mid-step. "Why can't we just talk? Why can't we just be like normal old friends and catch up?" Buffy pleaded.

Willow slowly put her foot down on the stair and pivoted towards Buffy. She saw the determination in the Slayer's expression. She was afraid that Buffy would ask her about the conversation with Clare—would ask her about everything—why she lied, why she left, everything.

And that made the anger build, the rage she had kept close to her heart in order to shield it flew out of her and she couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it.

"Because we were never normal friends, Buffy." Willow said the words and made sure they were clipped, short, so that they stabbed the Slayer. She wanted Buffy to bleed. Just like she was bleeding inside. Just like in her dreams every single damn night that she wasn't on the water.

"What do we 'catch up' on? How many demons you've killed, how many young girls that you sent out to fight died horrible deaths? Like Kennedy?" Willow watched as that one hit home and the Slayer froze, her face draining of all color.

"How many girls' who wanted to be ballerinas or lawyers or have a family died in the terrible fight you know you are going to lose? The "Good Fight" that will kill you sooner or later?" Willow saw each word hit home. Each one a blow, until all Buffy wanted to do was curl up into a ball of misery.

"So that's it. You still hate me." Buffy forced the words out as all the air seemed to leave her body. "You left because I used up my last chance to be your friend ..." she said.

Willow watched as Buffy tried to bark out an uncaring laugh, so that Willow wouldn't know how wounded she was--how shocked at the Witch's outburst--how crushed. But instead of a laugh it came out with a sob. So Buffy turned her back, unable to speak.

Willow stared in shock at Buffy as she stood on the other side of the deck with her back to her. She could hear the tiny sobs as they forced their way out of the Slayer's throat.

_'What have I done? Why did I do that?'_ Willow thought, trying to pull in her emotions, trying to gain some kind of control. 'I _can't let her get close to me, I just can't.'_ She frantically looked around the craft, trying to let the sound of the water; the waves, the creaking and clanking of the rigging soothe her ragged nerves.

_'I have to ... explain.'_ She took in a deep breath, and another one ... forcing the anger down. The quiet sobs from Buffy drowning her anger.

"Buffy I didn't mean to ..." She stopped. Yes, she did mean to drive an unassailable wedge between them. "Buffy," She started again and forced herself to walk over to the Slayer. "I didn't mean half of what I said, you have to understand ..."

"Yes you did mean it." Buffy whipped around, her accusation hitting the mark in Willow's heart. "So this is how this little hunting expedition is going to be? You can lie to your boss but you can't lie to me. I know you too well or at least I used to." Buffy told her, pushing by Willow to sit on the bench and casually look up at the moon. Only the tears still streaming down the blonde's face gave any indication that she was still upset. "We only talk when we need too? I get it, I do," she wiped the tears away.

"No you don't get it! You never 'got it.'" Willow accused her, the anger rising up once again out of nowhere. Or not out of nowhere, Willow knew where the anger came from--her heart--it was the only shield she had, the only way she could live without Buffy.

_'It was the only way to keep everyone safe!_'

Buffy calmly looked at back her. "Then tell me one thing before we turn this boat into the fortress of solitude ... why did you just run out on us?" Buffy said it so matter of factly, so devoid of emotion that it shattered Willow--and all the memories came rushing back—she sat down heavily on the top stair and just looked at the woman whom she loved beyond all reason, beyond all hope, just like the plot in a bad soap opera.

"You, you ... don't remember ...I mean according to Dawn you didn't remember ..." Willow tried to choke out as the memories of that night overwhelmed her.

"You were so hurt lying there, discarded, in the alley. Like someone's day old garbage. You were so still ... so ... the snow ... it was red. The sleet was beating down on your face and I kept thinking that you shouldn't let it. At first I thought you were dead ... I had seen you stake her and I felt betrayed because we could have ensouled her like Angel ... you know? Later I thought that if you hadn't led the rescue party then ..." Willow looked up from her memories to see if Buffy was following her disjointed words.

Buffy just sat on the bench trying to keep quiet, to let Willow talk, trying to understand why she left.

"There was blood, blood everywhere." Willow said before she got lost again, trying to keep the words flowing as that night came back to her.

_How could someone so small have so much blood on them and not be dead? Willow thought as she watched Giles extend a shaking hand to Buffy's neck to see if she still had a pulse. But Willow could tell that she was alive, the Slayer had collapsed from exhaustion and her injuries. Her face was bruised, her eyes nearly swollen shut, a nasty cut on the side of her forehead._

Willow heard the wet breaths that were forced in and out of her body.

"She has broken ribs, Giles. At least one lung is filling up with ..." Willow couldn't finish it. She couldn't stand there and watch as Giles and the other Slayers gathered around Buffy. She turned away and looked down the dirty alley and saw the bodies of the 'rescue party' that came after Kennedy--too late--too late to keep her from dying. Too late to keep her from being changed, from agreeing to be changed. No Slayer had ever been turned into a vampire for one simple reason—the person had to agree to be turned, to want it—Kennedy had wanted it.

Kennedy had betrayed them all.

"Call an ambulance we can't move her, I think there might be spinal injuries," Giles said, grimly.

Willow whipped around and met Giles' bleak stare. They had Buffy covered with their coats. One of the new girls was holding her jacket over Buffy's face so that frozen sleet wouldn't hit her.

'I can't do this ... I can't watch her die. I ... I ...'

Willow ran out of the alley, she ran down the deserted slick streets. I can't do this, I can't, I just ... somehow she found herself back at Slayer headquarters just as the clouds to the east were lightening up. It was always gray in Cleveland; it was always dirty and gray. No green, no strong sun or warm days. The weather was the exact mirror to Willow's heart--frozen--the gray landscape was her soul--dirty.

Dawn met her in the doorway of the apartment that she shared with Kennedy. Willow had no memory of entering the building or walking downs the halls to her room.

"Willow? Willow what are you doing?" She looked down and for the first time noticed that she had her suitcase lying on the bed and she was throwing clothes into it. She looked up into Dawn's stricken face, the tears streaming down the teen's cheeks. "Willow! You can't go! You can't leave me ..." Dawn continued to cry as she dashed up to the her. "Please, Giles just called, Buffy will be fine. Please Willow ..."

She stood there numb. Buffy would live, this time. What about the next? Kennedy was dead. Tara was dead. Everyone she loved dies. Everyone.

"Please talk to me!" Dawn begged grabbing her arms. "Please Willow!" She looked into Dawn's eyes and knew that there was nothing she could say, nothing she could do. She had to go!

She had no idea when Dawn let go of her and backed away into the corner of the bedroom. She only knew that her way was clear, so she picked up the suitcase and her laptop and walked out. She could feel Dawn following her out of the building and finally, as she put her things in the tiny trunk of the red sportster, she turned back to the teenager.

The words wouldn't come. She cleared her throat... she could feel her lips moving and yet no sound came out.

"Email me? You have my Hotmail?" Dawn asked and it was all Willow could do to nod her head as she climbed behind the wheel of Kennedy's car. A car her dead lover would never drive again. It was a car that Kennedy had insisted buying for Willow because she needed to live a little ... a in which car she now hated.

The only thing she could remember thinking as she pulled onto the interstate was that she needed to go east. She had to leave Cleveland, and California, behind her--she needed to go east towards the rising sun--a sun that was permanently dark to the two loves in her life. She had to go east before she witnessed the death of her third and most important love--Buffy.

If she didn't leave, if she didn't escape, then she would end up with Buffy and when the Slayer died--for the last time--the world would end.

_She would destroy it.  
_  
_Xander had been able to talk her down after Tara was murdered but nobody would be able to stop her after Buffy died ... because as much as Xander took credit for his yellow crayon speech it was Buffy who made her stop._

The thought of never seeing the light in those hazel eyes or the way the sun bleached her hair, that's what stopped her the last time. Not Xander. Not Giles. Not the coven.

Buffy.

Willow came out of the memories with a start to find that she had Buffy's jacket wrapped around her shoulders and the Slayer cradling her softly against her chest as she cried. She couldn't stop the words as they tore out of her. The images of that awful night were pounding into her, filling up her vision. All she could see was the blood, the small hand with the stake ...

"I ... when I saw Kennedy with her fangs buried in your neck all I cared about was you. Kennedy was my lover, she had brought me back to life after Tara ... and all I cared about was you." Willow gasped out the words between the sobs.

"I have to go; I have to get out of here ..." She said, trying to pull out of those very strong arms.

"Shuss, no you don't," Buffy whispered in her ear, stroking her hair. "I understand." She reassured her. "You don't know how much I really do understand."

Willow felt Buffy shift, then with an arm under her knees and another around her shoulders, she was easily lifted up and carried her down the stairs into small cabin below. The Slayer tenderly placed her on her bunk.

"You're exhausted, you haven't slept in two days," she whispered softly, stroking the wet hair off of Willow's hot face. "You need to rest now. You need to sleep, I'll be here in the morning."

"No, Buffy I'm sorry!" Willow strained to sit up, only Buffy pushed back down. The Slayer's cool hand on her chest.

"Will, there is nothing to be sorry about..." she watched as Buffy looked away and took a deep breath. She could see the blonde's shoulders shaking, she could hear her breath catch, the hand still on Willow's chest was trembling.

"No, you don't understand ..." Willow said, she had to make Buffy understand; she had too, even as the waves of exhaustion washed over her making her sink into the bed. She was just so sleepy.

"I do understand, Willow. I understand because I love you, just as much." Buffy confessed, still facing away. Then she looked at Willow and with a small sad smile she added. "Though, I can't end the world ... it would be the end of me if anything happened to you."

Willow didn't know what to think, Buffy loved her too? Her mind was so fuzzy, and Buffy was fading in and out of focus. Her hand covered Buffy's hand that was still on her chest, and she picked it up and cradled it gently.

She was just so tired, so very, very, tired. Sleep was coming fast and she struggled to keep her eyes open. She pulled Buffy's hand up to her face and kissed it softly.

"We can talk more about this tomorrow or we can let it drop." She heard the Slayer say as she pulled her hand free. Then she felt her shoes carefully taken off and a light blanket draped over her.

"It's up to you, Willow. But right now you need sleep. I'll watch over you, don't worry." Willow heard as sleep rose up and took her.

**Chapter Six—Aboard the Research Vessel Belle Star—Off the Southeast US Coast **

As Buffy stepped away Willow rolled over onto her side and curled up. _'She didn't hate me? She left because she loved me? She didn't hate me? She loved me?'_

"If you loved me then why did you leave me?" Buffy whispered, tears in her eyes and stomach clenched in knots. It was all Buffy could do not to grab Willow by the shoulders and shake her for leaving. Buffy turned and dashed up the stairs to the deck, flinging the cabin doors shut.

As she reached the deck the boat rocked, nearly throwing her off-balance. For a moment she prayed that they were under attack so she could do something physical and forget the thoughts racing through her mind. She balanced herself, looking around, actually hoping for hordes of vampires--but none came. She noticed the big ship from earlier in the night passing a hundred meters to their right. The wake of the ship tossed the tiny boat around and the smell of diesel filled the air. It was the only ship around them. Disappointed, Buffy slowly lowered her arms and tried to relaxed her stance . . . 'Why? Why does every one I love leave me? Why is it the only 'thing' that understood me was Spike, a soulless Demon? Why?'

Her hands clenched at her sides and she stood in front of the deckhouse with her fist pulled back ready to strike out at the wall--the need to hit something overwhelming her until she couldn't think. Willow's words ripped through her mind--'I left because I loved you too much'--warring with Angel's-- 'I'm leaving, when this is over, if we survive.'

Everyone she'd loved--left. She turned on her heels and jumped down the two steps into the wheel well, then pushed the cabin doors open but she stopped . . . she really didn't want to confront Willow at the moment. She went back up the two stairs to the deck. Made herself stand still in the night with her head thrown back. Trying to breathe--trying to think through what Willow had said. Buffy was an adult, a Slayer, she was fully in charge of her actions, she wasn't some 22-year-old ruled by her emotions.

'Then you can't stay here.' She turned on her heels because she heard the words as if Dawn had just said them. She was lost for a second in Willow's haunted eyes as her best friend, the person she always, always counted on, betrayed her along with the rest of her "family

She was vaguely aware that the huge ship had long since passed and the water around the tiny boat returned to the earlier gentle swells.

"Close your eyes. . . " The feel of the sword sliding into Angel's heart.

Buffy took a step toward the bench at the back of the boat, then turned to take three steps to the wheel well, then turned again, two steps to one side, three steps to the other--back and forth like a caged lion--with each step the boat shrank.

"I'll find her Will, I promise. I'll bring Kennedy back to you . . . " The feeling of the stake sliding into her heart.

Buffy knew that what she was about to do was stupid but at this point she didn't care, she needed to escape her mind and the only way she knew was to fight or run . . . she stripped off her jacket, kicked off her shoes and dove into the warm waters of the Gulf Stream.

Willow woke to the gentle rocking of the waves against the boat. After all these years on the ocean she could feel the change in the air when a hurricane was building. It was if all the spirits and animals in the ocean took a deep breath waiting for the Goddess to sweep through. Oya may be over a thousand miles away and just barely formed, nothing more than an infant, but already Willow could feel the difference around her.

Clare's computer model was brilliant, ingenious and a huge leap forward in hurricane prediction, however it had left out one factor that the scientist could never comprehend. Hurricanes weren't just some half-formed frontal system flying around the world-- hurricanes were alive--they were born, they lived, they died, only to be born again. They had a reason, a purpose for being; they had a "Calling." Clare's model didn't work until Willow was able to explain the "Calling."

Oya - the West African Goddess of storms--she came to the new world with the slaves and never left. Oya had a reason for existing–if it was to help Willow find justice for the crew of the Research Vessel–or justice for all the damage people had done to the earth– Willow didn't care. After last night, for the first time since Tara died, Willow felt like she could breathe. Like her life could work.

A soft cool breeze blew through the open cabin doors, with it came the smell of life. The energy of the waking sea around her made Willow giddy. Laughing for no reason, she threw off the blanket and jumped out of her bunk. Habit made her glance at the clock above the computers to see if it was time to check in with Clare and the school. She could put off the call a few minutes longer but she did hit the switch that allowed the National Hurricane Center's direct uplink. She raced up the stairs to the wheel well and stopped. Her newfound ability to breathe torn from her as she saw what she swore was a Goddess.

Of course it wasn't a Goddess, it was just Buffy being framed by the light of the rising sun. Just Buffy, Willow's mind echoed the thought, just Buffy. The Slayer's back was to the Wiccan; she was leaning over the railing, both hands braced. Willow could tell that Buffy knew she was there–the Slayer always knew what was around her–it was part of the package. Buffy had shed her jacket and tee shirt sometime in the night and was standing looking out over the open ocean in a sports bra and drawstring shorts.

"Everything is just so alive," the Slayer softy said as if she was reading Willow's mind.

"Yes," Willow agreed, watching the Slayer. Something was "off" about her. The Slayer's body language said defeated but Willow could feel the energy around Buffy crackling.

At one time Willow had been so good at reading her moods. Now though, she was lost. There were just too many years and too much pain between them.

Buffy pushed away from the railing and turned to face Willow. Her eyes were red and swollen as if she had been crying or swimming in the ocean. Now that Buffy was facing her, the sun no longer shining directly behind her, the redhead could see that the Slayer's hair was wet, which meant that she had taken a swim. Still, from the way Buffy stood before her the Witch knew she was very upset.

"Buffy what's. . . ?" Willow barely got the words out before she was interrupted.

"What's wrong?" The Slayer snapped, which normally meant that Buffy was angry. Willow saw such pain and desperation flash across the Slayer's face that it made her stomach sink. The good mood and the joy of life from when she woke up was wiped away.

"Yes, Buffy, what's going on, what's wrong? Tell me so I can fix it, please," Willow pleaded with the soaking wet woman. Buffy eyes blazed with rage as the Slayer took two steps to stand in front of the Wiccan.

A fire Willow hadn't felt in . . . years raced up her spine. 'And this was the other reason I left you,' the thought pushed all reason away. 'The hint of danger that is the Slayer.'

They faced each other, staring, challenging each other just inches apart. And then Buffy looked away, swung around, and with head bent she whispered, "Why did you leave if you loved me?"

Willow stumbled back as if she had been slapped. "What? I--I told you. . ."

"RV Belle Star, this is base EDU, come in, over," Clare's scratchy voice floated up from the cabin. Willow stood stunned, unable to figure out what to do.

"You need to answer that. Wouldn't want your boss upset," Buffy said wiping her eyes.

"Buffy?" Willow took a step toward the Slayer but Buffy held up her hand in order to stop her.

"No, we'll talk about this later, right now . . . Right now, I just can't Will," the redhead heard the pleading in the Slayer's voice and wondered where all the raw crackling energy went.

"RV Belle Star, this base EDU, please come in, over," Clare's voice had a note of panic in it. Willow stood torn for a moment and then left to go answer the radio.

'What an idiot I am,' Buffy thought as she looked out over the ocean. 'Willow admits that she loves me, or loved anyway, and all I can do is think about all my past baggage! She's right here! ' The Slayer shook her head in disgust at her actions. Buffy took a breath and then another, this time something started to release deep inside her as the truth of her thoughts washed over her and gave her strength.

'I still need to know why, but the whys can wait, the past can wait, the worry about her safety can wait, I want the now. She's down there, within reach, and so help me God I want to reach for her!'

The Slayer almost ran down the stairs to Willow, then she realized the Professor was still on the phone.

"Clare I really think the south by southeast course is the best," Buffy heard the intensity in Willow's voice and went down into the wheel well so she could hear the conversation better.

"I know Willow, but we want in you behind Oya's track as fast as possible. As you see from the Dvorak-T numbers she's already entering into a rapid intensification phase, she's going to be bigger than Katrina in less than 24 hours." Buffy could hear the stress of the school director's voice. 'Katrina–what a mess'–Buffy thought. 'New Orleans never recovered. '

"Wait a second Clare, I'm getting new numbers," Willow interrupted Buffy's thoughts.

"Clare, according to the new model run I think it's safer going south," Willow said and just like last night Buffy could tell that the Hacker wasn't being completely truthful.

"Bob and Becky disagree with you," Clare answered, and Buffy could hear the determination in the director's voice. "We have the same information as you do and you are to head East-Southeast. Do you understand?"

Silence.

"Willow?" Clare's voice rose and Buffy could tell the Director was becoming worried again.

Buffy waited just a few moments before she went down into the cabin, she wanted to know what Willow was hiding from Clare. Willow was sitting on a stool in front of the computers–the phone's speaker to her right and the microphone to the left– the computer screen directly in front of Willow showing a map with two courses on it.

"Willow answer me, I will call the Coast Guard to intercept you." Clare threatened and Buffy could tell the Director was nearly frantic.

Buffy watched as Willow sighed, the Witch's shoulders tensed under her tee shirt as she sat up straight.

"Clare, I didn't want it to come to this, but . . . " Willow paused in mid sentence and Buffy thought she could see a tear roll down her face. Again the redhead sighed, "We both know the Coast Guard is too busy and that all the other agencies you would or could call will be preparing for Oya."

"Willow if you do this . . . "

The calm façade collapsed. Willow interrupted and Buffy heard the pain that going against Clare was causing her as she pleaded with the Director. "Please just trust me? Trust that I know what I'm doing? Trust that I know I'll be safe from Oya?"

"Willow, I know you think you can find those things. But the information you could gather from Oya could . . . " Buffy heard the soft gasp in Clare's voice as she paused. "I can't lose anyone else, do you understand me? I just can't. Clare's voice stopped in mid-word and it took Buffy a moment to realize that Willow had disconnected the line.

"Hey Will," Buffy said, touching Willow on her back, trying not to startle her and at the same time look more closely at the computer screen.

"What? Oh Buffy!" Willow jumped, then reached to hit the switch on the monitor.

"No, hacker-girl," Buffy caught the redhead's hand before she could turn off the monitor. She looked directly into Willow's watery eyes, hoping that Willow would believe what she was about to say. "I do trust you Willow, but I need to know the truth, I need to know everything."

Russet brows rose as bright green eyes met hazel. Finally, Willow sniffled, nodded and then moved her arm signaling Buffy to release it.

"As you can see here there are two different courses." The redhead pointed at the screen. "The first is the one the Research Vessel took and the other is the course that Clare wants us to take." Buffy looked over Willow's shoulder at the two lines and didn't understand why she was fighting Clare over it, there were only a couple of hundred miles difference.

"As you can see, we diverge right here?" Willow continued, using the mouse to point out the spot. "Now, when I overlay the courses with the program I ran on the area you'll see why we have to follow this course exactly."

Suddenly the screen was filled with lines–all of them following the same course–all of them stopping a few hundred miles south of their position.

"What am I looking for?" Buffy asked, leaning closer to the screen and putting her hand on Willow's back.

Willow turned on the stool to look up at Buffy. "After our Research Vessel was found and I knew what had done it, I ran the SAP. . . "

"The SAP?" Buffy raised her hand to stop Willow.

"Yes, the Statical Anomaly Program," the hacker said quietly. "Back in Sunnydale we used to call it the Monster Mash because we . . ."

"Would use it to track the random events that always turned into a pattern with the Demons." Buffy finished Willow's sentence and then realized what she had done. _'Goddess bless how I had missed this closeness.'_

"Right," and Buffy thought she would die from the smile Willow flashed her. The Hacker turned back to the computer screen and hit a few keys. "It's really a lot easier now then in Sunnydale, 'cause now everything's on the computer. All I had to do was download the data and I came up with this." The computer screen filled up with lines but this time each line had a date associated with it. All the lines stopped at various places within a hundred or so miles of each other--only to reappear over a thousand miles away.

Blonde brows rose at the implication.

"I narrowed the search down to only boats that reappeared over the years," Willow told Buffy, hitting a few keys and some of the lines disappeared. "Then I cross referenced with NOAA's database and found out these ships disappeared within days of a hurricane."

"So that means these Vamps have been attacking ships in this area . . . " Buffy found the earliest date. "Since 1789?"

The hacker's smile grew bigger, "actually 1587, but yes."

"And all we have to do is sail into this area?" Buffy said, pointing at the screen, as the Slayer's excitement grew.

"Yes," Willow answered.

"Cool," Buffy said, she couldn't believe what she was seeing in the redhead's bright green eyes. Want, need, desire all rolled together and placed under one word--love. She lifted a trembling hand to smooth the worry lines forming between Willow's russet brows. Buffy took a shaky breath, trying to figure things out, to understand when in the past few minutes this had happened? She loved Willow, she couldn't live without knowing Willow was safe, but how did it happen that she now wanted, no, needed, to kiss her?

Willow reached up and stopped the Slayer's soft strokes by taking her hand. Looking into Buffy's eyes she slowly raised the hand to her mouth and kissed it. It was such a small gesture, yet the shock wave that passed through Buffy caused her trembling to increase and seemed to sunder the all breath from her body. Her hands were her weapons. She thought they were dirty, that they were covered in blood, but with that simple kiss Willow made them clean again.

Buffy turned Willow's hand over then brought it up to kiss it, watching as the redhead's eyes closed at the contact. Willow dropped her head so that her face was hidden by her hair. Still, Buffy could see the blush begin at the base of her throat and spread upward.

At the same time she felt Willow's heart pounding against her chest trying to break free as she lifted her other hand to brush back unruly strands of red hair. Willow glanced up for a brief moment, then back down, as she tugged on Buffy's captured hand and wrapped it in her other hand, hugging it to her.

"Buffy, you don't, I know you aren't," Willow began.

"Shuss," the Slayer stopped the Witch's words by placing a finger over her mouth. Then Buffy softly traced the redhead's lips, reveling in their warmth. She felt lightheaded as she bent over to kiss those warm, inviting lips. She felt Willow's hand snake into her hair, pulling her tighter against the redhead and deepening the kiss. Buffy's hand was now free to wrap around Willow's back. Willow then cupped the Slayer's face never stopping the kiss.

It was perfect. Nothing, nothing in Buffy's life could have prepared her for this . . . meeting.

And still Buffy wanted more, she wanted all of Willow, she wanted her very soul. If she could become a part of her, then Willow would never leave. Tightening her arms around Willow she pulled her so close that she could feel the redhead's heartbeat. Buffy gave in to the taste and texture of Willow's mouth, all her walls and defenses crashing down. She poured all the love she had to give – all the love she'd been saving over the dark years – she poured it into the kiss, only releasing it when Willow gasped for air.

Buffy stood within Willow's arms as the redhead tried to catch her breath and the blonde felt surrounded by her warmth. Surrounded by her scent, by her love, and again the word perfect swam through her mind. Willow was perfect. Finally getting to hold her, to show her the love she felt--was a release. It was as if all their friendly hugs and touches over the years were leading them to this moment.

"Wow," Willow mumbled, then shifted on the stool, leaning back to look up into Buffy's face. And now Buffy had to catch her breath because she had never seen Willow smile like she was now. Willow had always been cute, had always been pretty, but now she glowed, now she was transformed into a radiant beauty.

"Yeah," Buffy could feel herself beginning to grin, she couldn't stop it, didn't want to try. Willow pulled her into an even tighter embrace and laid her head on Buffy's chest, her breath tickling Buffy's bare skin. Buffy felt Willow's head resting on the bare flesh of her upper chest. She realized that she liked the feeling and that she wanted to feel more of Willow. She felt a hunger begin to form and didn't know what it was or what to do about it. It didn't feel like sex, but something different, deeper than her other experiences. She wanted to taste more of Willow, she wanted to run her hands along the redhead's smooth skin, tasting her as she went . . .

"I can hear your heart," Willow interrupted her thoughts. "I like it."

Willow's breath tickling Buffy's bare skin made her remember that all she was wearing was a sports bra and shorts -- it would be so easy to just give in to the need coursing through her.

"No, don't!" Willow cried, when Buffy began to pull away. The redhead tightened her hold until the blonde relaxed in the embrace. Buffy felt a blush crawling up her cheeks and she looked around the tiny cabin trying to find a distraction from the need that was beginning to consume her.

"I could stay like this all day," Buffy said, looking at the computer screen and knowing that she couldn't give in to her desires because of the mission.

"I guess we need to move, huh?" Willow whispered a few minutes later, and Buffy felt a loss when the contact was broken by Willow lifting her head.

"Yes," Buffy sighed, the hunger wouldn't stop and it was beginning to burn to the point where all she could think about was how soft Willow's lips were and how much she wanted to kiss her again. "Yes, we really do have some baddies to kill," she answered without thinking, her mind and mouth disconnected.

"Yep, baddies" Willow said, and sighed. "We do have to get moving." Then Willow smiled mischievously. "And just for that oh, wise and powerful Slayer, you get to take a shower." Willow finished triumphantly as if she wasn't aware of the battle raging within Buffy.

"Huh?" Buffy heard the words, they even registered, but all she could see were Willow's lips. All she could think about was . . .

"Well, ok, it's not much of a shower, you need to get wet, then soap and then rinse," Buffy watched as the blush came back to form on the redhead's neck and then it started to inch higher with each word. Buffy knew, just knew, the redhead was babbling because she realized how much the blonde wanted her. "You have to get that salt off of you and besides," Buffy watched as the redhead's eyes' darkened and the Slayer knew that Willow was also thinking how easy it would be to just forget the hunt for one day.

"We have 456 gallons of water, so two or three gallons to get clean with isn't going to make that much of a difference, it's not like we have a full crew of ten people. . . and I'm babbling aren't I? I haven't babbled in years and now. . . I'll shut up." Willow finished, her face matching her hair. She stared at Buffy as their breathing synchronized. Buffy either had to kiss her or laugh at the sheer joy of hearing Willow babble – laughing won out – the joy won over the hunger for a moment.

Laughing, Buffy pulled Willow up until she was standing and wrapped her arms around the redhead, lifting her. Then Willow started to laugh too, as Buffy swung her around in a circle.

"God I missed you so much!" Buffy cried, suddenly the joy ran out as she remembered the years of loneliness and the half-life she lived trying to convince herself she didn't need Willow. She slowed, then put Willow down, holding her until she regained her balance.

"I want, I want. . . " Buffy couldn't think of the words. Willow's scent filled her senses. Desperation filled her mind as she remembered_–'everyone I love leaves – no, not Willow.'_

"I would love to stay just like this forever but we have baddies to hunt? Right?" Willow asked again, looking at Buffy, questioning. "Right?"

"Right, baddies, kill, we have baddies to kill," Buffy confirmed, nodding, never taking her eyes off of Willow's beautiful face. Her eyes begging Willow to do something to silence the fear that was beginning to overtake her. _'No, Willow is different, she won't leave –again –at least I don't think she will? What if it's not her choice? What if. . . '_

Buffy was becoming dizzy, then Willow was torn from her as the boat violently rocked to one side and Buffy was thrown to the hardwood floor of the cabin. She lay stunned for just a moment, looking into Willow's confused eyes as the boat compensated and swung to the other side. Then it began to settle back into the gentle rocking motion of before. Buffy could smell the diesel fumes the big freighters used to power their engines.

Buffy knew it was just the wake of another passing ship, knew it when her Slayer sense couldn't find danger, but she still reacted. Just like the night before, the Slayer's instinct screamed that they were being attacked, she jumped up and pushed Willow behind her as she faced the door to the deck above.

She was ready for battle, the Slayer fully emerging, gasping for air, her nostrils flaring as she tried to catch the scent of an enemy, she fully extended her senses and then was staggered by the teaming life of the ocean.

"Easy Buffy," she heard, and felt a touch on her arm. The Slayer stopped the punch an inch from the redhead's face. Willow didn't move as Buffy started to shake from the adrenaline pumping into her system, the words 'what if' running through her mind.

It hit her, it hit so hard that her knees nearly buckled, they were on a hunt and she let her guard down. They were on a very dangerous hunt, they were going against 500-year-old vampires with no backup, no way to get help. She had no way to get Willow to safety if things went badly. The pain from living a half-life was nothing compared to the old yet, familiar fear that she could fail and Willow could die.

"Buffy?" Willow pulled the Slayer around to face her. "What's going on?" Buffy felt the tears start and knew that she had to do something or she would shatter into a million tiny pieces. She had everything she ever wanted standing in front of her and it didn't matter, Willow would leave her – Willow would die – she could never keep her safe.

'_Everyone I love, leaves.'_

Buffy was such a fool, letting Willow inside, letting Willow make her hope! Hope, love, hell even life, was not something she would ever be able to have! She knew it! She knew it and here she was hoping, feeling love! It was all Willow's fault!

She felt Willow grab her by the shoulders and try to shake her, but she backed out of the redhead's hold.

"Please Buffy, let me help, this is more than a "Slayer" rush," Buffy heard Willow pleading and turned her back.

"It's ok, it's ok," she said wiping her tears away and at the same trying to lock things away so that she could think clearly. Buffy became furious at the redhead for making her love her!

"It's ok Willow – it's ok," the blonde bit out the words. Remembering her question from the night before, _'if you loved me why did you leave me?'_ Willow had already left once, for no reason other than the Slayer's job.

"Buffy?" She heard the pain in Willow's voice.

"It's ok, just let me be," she snapped. She turned back to Willow, watching as her face crumbled. As tears sprang to the redhead's eyes, all the anger drained out of Buffy. She suddenly felt tired, hollowed out, like she'd blow away in the next strong wind.

The Slayer tried to smile to take the sting out of her words, glancing away from Willow as she lied. "It's just, you know, open ocean, 500-year-old nest of Vamps, no backup? It just really hit me." Cursing herself for forgetting just for a moment that her job never went away. That Willow would never be safe as long as she was around.

"You said something about a shower – er, or, a bath?" Buffy continued, flinching away when Willow reached for her.

"Will, please," Buffy held up her hand to stop the hacker.

"Ok Buffy," Willow said, eyes dropping back to the floor and her shoulders rounding as she sighed, defeated.

Buffy was so sorry she'd hurt Willow, again. However this was how it was, there were no happily-ever-after's for a Slayer, especially not the Slayer Prime. "The shower is down below by the bilge pump."

"Thanks," Buffy grabbed her overnight bag from her bunk and escaped below.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Seven--On the Bell Star—Northwest of Bermuda

Willow looked up from her course calculations on the computer when she heard the door open below. Buffy paused in the doorway, her navy blue long sleeved T-shirt damp against her skin, outlining her form perfectly. And it made Willow ache with the need to take Buffy into her arms and show how much she loved her. She couldn't, she wouldn't. Hoping that all the right words would magically come to her, all Willow could do was stare at Buffy as she stood in the doorway. Fresh from the shower, all traces of makeup gone, she looked so incredibly young and innocent.

Willow watched as the Slayer looked everywhere in the small cabin except at her. The prefect blonde brows forming a V as Buffy scowled, then she used the towel wrapped around her neck as a distraction. The Slayer brushed passed the redhead in the tiny space of the cabin as she made her way to the stairs. The momentary contact seared the nerve endings along Willow's arms and the blonde was almost up the stairs before Willow could find her voice.

"Buffy," she said quietly, knowing she could hear her. Buffy stopped at the top of the stairs and Willow saw the tension in her shoulders increase as the Slayer turned around, her face the neutral mask Willow remembered from the plane ride.

"Yeah?"

"You can't un-ring the bell," Willow said, quietly.

Buffy turned to go back up on deck.

"But you're right," Willow quickly added. "We have a boat to sail and hunt to get through before," she stopped. Willow was at a lost as to what to say next. Everything was fragile between them; she didn't know what to else to say so she let the silence stretch.

The tension in Buffy shoulders lessened slightly and she slowly pivoted back towards Willow. Light hazel eyes studied the Witch for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally the Slayer answered, "OK".

As if she too understood that there was nothing they could say or do that wouldn't hurt each other, especially not what they both wanted.

Willow took a deep breath, right, then," she swung the chair around. "The first thing we need to do is breakfast?" She heard Buffy come into the cabin and knew that this was the first step for them both. Willow understood Buffy too well, at the moment. If she pushed she would hit the brick wall of Buffy's fear and anger – while if she just went slowly – Buffy would eventually let her defenses fall. And, as she said, Buffy couldn't un-ring the bell, now that Willow was sure of the Slayer's attraction.

**********************

Willow watched the beauty that was Buffy Summers in action. Her hat had fallen off and the sun was highlighting her golden hair as she danced around the boat as if she were born to it. The sight took Willow's breath away, or maybe it was actually the memory of their kiss that morning that stole all the air? She didn't know and she didn't care, she only wanted this moment to last forever. She had everything that she could ever want, the boat, the life of the ocean rising up off the water like a mist, and Buffy Summers safe for the moment.

There was nothing more important in Willow's world than those things.

Nothing.

Willow felt the small boat jump forward when the Slayer opened the spinnaker sail, the wind filling the large canvas triangle as the boat gained speed, the bow slicing through the water. Willow loved it when the boat reached its full potential. It felt like flying.

Normally, she never would have thought about using the spinnaker with only two people on board. Just the weight of the sail made it at least a three-person job. Plus Buffy was on a bluewater boat for the first time – Buffy was different – Buffy was the Slayer. Willow had to explain something to her once and the Slayer was able to do it; there was none of the normal learning curve on the constantly shifting craft.

Willow watched as Buffy carefully disengaged the safety line from the reinforced grab rails so that she could make her way to the bow. The Slayer looked up and flashed Willow a small smile as she reconnected the safety line before securing the Halyard in the mainsail.

Buffy made her way back to the stern following all the safety precautions without complaint. Willow was surprised that the tiny blonde was being so compliant, from wearing the hot plastic life vest, to remembering to reconnect the safety line, she followed all the rules.

The blonde jumped down into the wheel well and disappeared below for a few seconds and then came back on deck with two bottles of water.

"Your computer is going crazy," Buffy commented, as she handed one of the bottles of water to Willow. The Slayer then plopped down on the bench and used the sleeve of her Tee shirt to wipe the sweat from her face. The dark sunglasses hiding her eyes from the red head and the tension from the morning came back in force.

Willow turned away from the sight of Buffy's blue tee shirt soaked with sweat so that clung to her body like a second skin. Only the thin plastic of the deflated life-vest kept Willow's imagination from running wild. She opened the bottle of water and took a huge gulp to cover how dry her throat had suddenly become.

She turned back to the wheel to hide the blush she could feel spreading up her neck to her face. Turning away from Buffy didn't help her run away libido; it had just been too long since she'd actually seen Buffy Summers. Willow's memories did not do the Slayer justice. She checked the gauges for course, speed, wind, trying to ground herself in the simple functions of the boat.

"The computer downloading is actually a relief," Willow said, when she thought she could trust her voice.

"How so?" Buffy's softy spoken question caused Willow to look at her fully. The blonde was standing with her back to her, arms braced on the railing as she looked out at the ocean.

"It means that despite how mad Clare is at me, she's still letting Becky feed us the latest stats on Oya. Not that I really expected her to stop the information, I just wasn't sure." Willow shrugged, even though Buffy couldn't see her.

Buffy pivoted, her eyebrow rose in question, the dark sunglasses hanging by a string around her neck. "Would the lack of updates on the storm really have affected our mission?" The Slayer leaned back against the railing; she appeared relaxed for the first time since the kiss that morning. Or really the first time since Willow picked her up in Cleveland. Simply talking about the mission seemed to be a relief to Buffy.

"Actually, yes, it might have." She smiled.

Out of nowhere Willow felt a burning behind her eyes as tears threatened to fall. She looked away from the blonde and fiddled with the wheel adjustments to buy enough time to regain control. She was not going to blow the sudden easiness between them because she couldn't control herself.

"We can't just go sailing blindly around the Atlantic in the middle of Hurricane season. Especially not with "The Big One" forming in the middle of the Caribbean."

"Oh," Buffy said, crossing her arms as if she were suddenly cold. "So if Clare wanted to end this expedition all she would have to do is stop the information?"

Willow thought about what she said for a moment and realized that Buffy didn't have the same kind of trust in Clare that she did. Why would she? How could she? When the Slayer's entire life was surrounded by darkness. Buffy had to see motivations written within actions because if she didn't then people died.

As Tara died.

As Kennedy died.

As Buffy had died.

An old, familiar anger began to build within Willow's chest blindsiding her. She felt herself slipping away from the conversation, becoming detached as the anger took root. The sounds of the rigging and the smell of the ocean faded until the world was black and white, like the picture tube on an old television set. '_Not now, not now, not now!' _Willow chanted internally trying to stop the defense mechanism she'd use for the past nines years to block out of the loneliness. She tried to lift the bottle water to her lips but her hand shook too much. '_I will not let this happen! I will not.'_ She looked up and could see Buffy's brows drawn down in confusion and, maybe, a little in fear?

Willow had to get it together; she couldn't go back that place where her heart was walled away. She took a deep breath, and then another, struggling to stay in the moment instead of letting what she called her "autopilot" take over.

The Slayer took a tentative step closer to Willow and the redhead saw understanding flash across her face. Buffy touched her the arm that held the bottled water and slowly took it out of her hand. The buzzing that Willow hadn't known she was hearing stopped at the blonde's touch and color started to come back into world.

Willow could breathe again. Buffy patiently held her hand; she didn't speak, she didn't fidget. The Slayer just stood there like a rock with her warm hand covering Willow's cold one offering her whatever strength she needed.

'Just one touch and the world has color,' the witch thought. Then nearly snorted out a laugh at how corny that sounded. Buffy seemed to sense that it was time and she slowly released Willow's hand. Then gave her back the bottle of water.

"So, um," the slayer looked around the boat. And Willow was happy to let her change the topic. "Clare being able to stop our –um—hunt? By cutting off the information?" Or not change the topic; she was going to ignore Willow's little panic attack.

The Witch would happily let Buffy take the lead.

"Yes—no—I don't know," Willow couldn't figure out how to explain the friendship, the trust that Clare had slowly built over the past nine years. The trust that Willow was worried she had thrown away that morning. The redhead watched as Buffy stood calmly next to her waiting for her to figure out what to say. Willow realized that the Slayer was just trying to distract her and the redhead couldn't stop the smile she felt forming.

Buffy's small smile grew, her eyes twinkled, and she turned away. "I get it Willow," the blonde said, " you don't need to explain what you and Clare have, I understand. Besides its the power of _The Resolve Face."_

The wind shifted and Willow blessed the Goddess.

"Buffy you need to…." the Slayer was already moving to adjust the sails.

"Got it Will," she said as she effortlessly jumped up on top of the cabin. A jump no human could make on a shifting boat. The Slayer paused, just long enough to reattach the safety line, and then she was tightening the portside line to the spinnaker.

***********

"Here Will," Buffy said, as she placed the bottled water and the MRE next to her computer. The Meal-Ready-to-Eat vaguely resembled beef stew though it smelled almost like lasagna. As her computer analyzed the latest date from NOAA and the school Willow watched the blonde move around the cramped cabin. She had the one big plastic bowl that was allowed in the small kitchenette and was pouring three MRE's into it. In Sunnydale Willow had realized early in their friendship with Buffy not to comment on the sheer amount of food she could eat. The scoobs realized the Slayer was self-conscious and sensitive to their words when she started losing weight because she was embarrassed to eat the amount her slayer metabolism required in front of them.

Buffy finished making supper at the same the download completed.

"Anything I need to know?" The Slayer asked, picking up her bowl of brown goo and slipping by Willow to go up on deck.

"Nope, not yet," she answered. The redhead doubled clicked the graph in front of her and started the next phase in turning the raw data into a coherent forecast. Willow watched the mesmerizing sway of Buffy's hips as she walked up the stairs to the deck and she wanted to follow her like the mice followed the piper. She shook her head at the image. '_So maybe it was the rats who followed the piper? It doesn't matter; I can't go up there right now. Not without something specific to talk about.'_

So of course at least fifty topics of conversation flashed through Willow's mind.

Willow glanced back and forth between her data and the empty gangway debating_. ' On the one hand it would take ten to fifteen minutes for all the programs to run, on the other hand, why risk the new found peace between us by going up on deck right now?'_

There would be nothing to do other than eat or talk without a convenient wind shift to rescue them if the conversation turned uncomfortable and that was something that Willow wasn't quite ready to tackle herself. '_Then again I can set the alarm to let me know when the forecast is complete. And I can ask her about why she was so good at following all the safety precautions or what she thought about sailing, those should be safe for conversation.'_

"Will your goo is getting cold," Buffy said breaking into the Witch's thoughts and causing her to jump.

"Buffy!" Willow squeaked, then spun around in her chair so quickly she nearly fell out of it, only to find the Slayer standing at the bottom of the gangway stairs.

"That would be me," the blonde said with a slight smile. "I-ah-I thought we could--I need some salt," Buffy motioned with the bowl she held in her hand. She fidgeted her eyes briefly connecting with Willow's before she stared at the wall behind the witch's head.

The stunned silence stretched as Willow sat staring back at Buffy. The blonde had removed the plastic life vest and her Tee shirt hugged the Slayer's body.

"Or maybe not? You must be busy," Buffy said beginning to back up the first step pf the gangway.

"No!" Willow shouted, when she saw the Slayer hesitant retreat. Buffy stopped, a half-smile forming on her lips and her brows rose in question. "I mean, we do have salt and, um, I can get it for you," the Witch swiveled her chair around intending to stand.

"I got it Will," she felt the pressure of a small, warm hand on her shoulder. "You need to eat, remember you didn't have dinner last night nor lunch this afternoon." Willow heard the words as Buffy babbled on slipping between the chair and the bunk, she even had the coherent thought of when did the blonde turn into such a mother hen, however the warmth from her hand spread slowly through her body. A wonderful languor stretched down her spine.

Willow's eyes rose of their own accord to look into the dark green of Buffy's. The slayer stood frozen next to her, and all she would have to do to capture her was to reach out. She lifted her hand when an alarm from the computer sounded in her ear. Buffy pulled her hand way as if burned and took the step to the small kitchen area.

Willow pivoted around in her chair when the computer emitted another beep that signaled an Instant Message from Becky, her T.A. She took a deep breath as Buffy brushed by her again on the way to the deck and out of her sight. And Willow mentally gathered her wits to see what Becky had to say about Oya and if it would influence their course tomorrow.

*******

The Slayer sat staring, unseeing, out over the dark, nighttime, sea, mechanically shoving the brown slop Willow called MREs into her mouth. The stuff was filling even if it was tasteless. Not that it mattered how it tasted, she needed the raw calories for her super charged metabolism, and the slop provide them.

Willow.

She flashed on the redhead smiling at her when she adjusted a sail. The memory of how the redhead looked at that exact moment took the Slayer's breath away and filled her with an aching need to be close to Willow. It didn't matter that they couldn't be together; she just wanted to be close to her. To memorize everything about the redhead for when the hunt was over and she went back to Cleveland.

'_Gods why am I so schizophrenic about her! One second it hurts to much to be around her and the next I can't let her out of my sight!'_

Buffy disgustedly dropped the fork into the bowl and placed it carefully beside her. She sat forward on the bench, propping her elbows on her knees as she rested her head in her hands. Buffy let the day wash through her mind's eye and images of Willow as it played like a movie before her.

The sun highlighting Willow's hair as she pushed it off her face and her opened mouth astonishment when the Slayer jumped over the wheel well to the roof of the cabin.

Memories.

Soon that would be all she had left--again.

"You forgot your jacket," she lifted her head up and there was Willow. Standing in front of her. Dirty, smelly, exhausted, and with bloodshot eyes, Willow was radiant.

"Buffy?" the red head questioned, waving her hand in front the Slayer's face. "Earth to…" She reached out and grabbed the witch's arm before knew what she was doing. She heard Willow's breath catch in her throat, the noise seemed to fill the Slayer's ears it was so loud. The blonde looked up into darkening green eyes, all the traces of tiredness gone.

So close, so close and Buffy could have the one memory she craved above all else. She wanted to, Gods, how she wanted to just stand up and gather Willow into her arms. She watched as the red head's tongue flittered out to wet her lips and Buffy mimicked the action as the memory of how Willow tasted from their morning kiss flooded her senses.

"Buffy?" the witch whispered, questioning, her need, her want laid bare on her face for the Slayer to see. The smell of Willow's arousal floating in the air between them--mixing with the fresh scent of the sea. Somehow it seemed right that the ocean breeze pushed some of the red hair into the Willow's eyes. The movement drew the Buffy's attention to them and the fact that they were red from crying. The thought of Willow in pain shook Buffy out of her stupor. She dropped Willow's arm and the connection between them seemed to dissolve.

"Will, what's wrong, what happened?" The Slayer reached out to her again, only this time Willow avoided the touch by tightly wrapping her arms around her middle. She pivoted away from Buffy and stared out into the night.

"Please, Will, talk to me?"

The Witch glanced over her shoulder and then shook her head as if she were trying to clear it. "This new 'mother hen Buffy' is taking some getting used too," the redhead said. She could hear the effort it took for Willow to try to make her voice sound light as she fought for control. The Slayer screamed at her to take her into her arms and not give Willow the chance to regain her composure. That if the Witch stayed off balance then she might give up more of her secrets.

Willow twisted, her eyes pleading with Buffy to let it drop. "You obeyed all the safety rules today and made supper for us tonight?" The Witch's voice nearly caught and she turned back to the ocean.

"That's hardly being a 'mother hen,' as you put it." An under current of tension arced between them, a wave of grief swept around Buffy--and she knew--or she didn't know, not exactly. Something Clare said floated up into her mind. '_Whoever did it enjoyed it._' Then the words, '_John's hands were broken.' _

On a hunch Buffy asked, "Willow who was on the computer?" She didn't want to guess wrong.

Willow lost a special person on the boat. Her student. He wasn't a lover, he was her student and if she had been there he wouldn't have died. Just like so many times if Buffy had been there then one of the baby slayers would still be alive.

How many baby slayers died because Buffy hadn't been there? Giles always told her to never dwell on the deaths, to remember the fallen soldier, to honor her, but to put them behind her and move on.

_"John's mother couldn't stop crying long enough for me …." _Buffy heard the words In Clare's voice.

"Will, who was on the computer?" She asked again. While Buffy knew her damnation was earned for using children to fight her war--Willow's wasn't--maybe, just maybe, she could help her.

"Becky, John's fiancée'," the witch mumbled the words so softy that even with slayer hearing Buffy could barely understand them.

"Who was John?" She knew he was a student, just not who he was to Willow.

The Witch glanced over her shoulder before answering. "He was my friend, my student, and so much more."

"You loved him," Buffy pushed.

Willow spun around to face her and the Slayer wondered for second if she'd over stepped their fragile truce. Only as she met Willow's eyes squarely she saw no anger, just pain.

After a few moments Willow, nodded. "I think he replaced Xander, or maybe," she turned away from Buffy. "I think he knew things about me that even Xander didn't know. About--what happened after Tara--I don't think Xander could ever understand that kind of rage. Xander always saw me, as his best friend who was young, naïve, would never hurt a human to win the fight. John understood, You know?" Willow asked, her eyes bright in the rising light of the moon.

Buffy nodded, she did know, even after all these years she still hit the brick wall of Xander's expectation. Xander's innocence was sometimes too much for her.

"John had served in Iraq and we could tell when things were bad for each other by just a look." Willow turned back to the ocean. "Buffy, please don't make me do this now, I just can't right." She pleaded, and what could Buffy say or do? If she insisted Willow talk to her then one of three things could happen, two of them disasters.

The Slayer stepped back, both physically and emotionally. "Ok Will," she said and watched as Willow let out a deep breath. "So…" Buffy thought franticly of something they both could talk about without stepping on a landmine. "I meant to ask you about the force field yesterday? How does it work?"

_'Score,'_ she thought, when Willow flashed her a grateful smile and sat on the bench.


End file.
